Out of "Order"?

So, Bumptious Bercow's first PMQ's. The new boy will have wanted to make his mark, in the Chamber and - far more importantly to him - on the Telly.

How's he shaping up as Speaker so far? Some traditions have been dispensed with:

GONE: the wigs, tights and other comedy attire. Shame really. The Mother of all Parliaments being run by a man dressed like the manager of PC World.

GONE: the Glaswegian accent: won't miss that much;

GONE: the stuttering; "O-O-O-O-O-Order", and the perpetually puce visage. At least Bercow looked like he might live to end of the session without succumbing to a massive stroke.

However, CF was dismayed to notice that many traditions have been carried over fully intact.

RETAINED: the fucking brass neck to take responsibility for MP's expenses whilst being right at the fucking top of the Premier League of Troughers for about 5 years running.

RETAINED: the blind eye turned to Labours habit of announcing policy on the Today programme, the Word at One or CBeebies. Bercow was going to put a stop to this, but has he bollocked boastful Brown? Nope.

RETAINED: the total fucking inability to make Prime Minister's Questions into, well, Prime Minister's fucking Questions. This is supposed to be a session where MP's can ask the Prime Minister .. questions. Not a forum for the PM to reel off Tractor Statistics and shout slogans like an autistic toddler. The nation would have been mightily impressed if Bercow had, just once, gently pointed out to Broon that he had - ahem - "..not answered the question put to him". Fat fucking chance.

RETAINED: Punch 'n' Judy. Thought you were getting rid of that? Cat got your tongue?

And Bercow has bought something new to the proceedings:

NEW: blatant playing to the cameras. "The public don't like it, and nor do I". CF fully expected him to turn to camera 1 and wink lavishly after each of his crowd-pleasing statements.


Not the best possible start for a "new broom" reformer, eh? In the grand Iain Dale-esqe tradition of giving marks out of 10 to the particpants:

NuSpeaker Bercow: my boy, what are PMQ's for? And did that happen today? No. : 4
Gordon Brown: "I am not wrong" (oh but you are), floundering, extra points deducted for lying: 3
David Cameron: not a bad attack this week: 6
Nick Clegg: "reverse gear": nice one, but failed to follow through: 5
The public: did not attend.



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6 comments:

Henry Crun said...

To be fair, the NuSpeaker did make a statement at the close of PMQs about making policy announcements in the House before appearing on Today and looking pointedly at the Labour bench while he did so.

Faux Cu said...

Glasgow accent?

Wurrafuk!

He was born in Edgeware and schooled in Finchly and Essex Uni.

Alix said...

Re: bollocking boastful Brown, you can't have heard Bercow's statement straight after PMQs in which he said the CBeebies announcements must stop (not in so many words, sadly).

Otherwise, well, he's a slithy tove no doubt, but he did a good job of making his mark on the hecklers. I'm waiting to see if he tackles Brown more directly in future.

CryBaby said...

I think Bercow should dress up as a Court Jester. It would be most appropriate for that forum.
Useless fuckwits.

Constantly Furious said...

A couple of you are right in pointing out that Bercow did make a statement at the end of PMQ's regarding the Today program/CBeebies vs. the House.

But ... he said the same thing before he was elected, and Broon was busy chuntering away on the radio yesterday ahead of Hattie Harperson's announcement. No action taken.

So, as ever, stable door, horse?

Gareth said...

As long as Bercow keeps saying it he will think he has done enough. Tis the modern politicial disease - words are better than actions.