23:03 - Mandy makes his move

Be afraid. Be very afraid. The snake is stirring.

Questioned on the exit poll of a few minutes ago, Mandy silkily implied that his party - and we all know, it really is his party - would be "happy" to talk to the Boy Clegg about a joint venture, about PR and about stepping into his lair.

And CF has talked about this before. If the exit poll is proved right, and Mandy gets his way, then a ghastly scene will unfold before our appalled eyes. Let's go through it again, in the way in which you play endlessly with a sore tooth.

A Lib-Lab pact will be cobbled together before the weekend is done.

The Tories will be shut out, Cameron will resign and vanish, and the party will promptly turn in on itself for five years of self-destruction, being an even fucking less effective opposition than they have been, if you can imagine such a thing.

Desperate for a tiny bit of power, Clegg will accept a series of vague, half-hearted promises from Brown about the future, and Broon will form a government.

Gordo' will try desperately to remain as Prime Minister. He may succeed, but even if he doesn't things aren't much better: Ed Balls will become our Prime Minister. Ed fucking Balls. For fuck's sake.

The Lord High Mandelson, who is guaranteed to be around - he's got no election to worry about, has he? - will continue to exercise his power from the shadows.

And then, their advantage secured, Broon/Balls and Labour will proceed to comprehensively fuck Clegg and the Lib Dems over. Think they can't do it? Yeah, right. They've spent the last 13 years attacking each other, these self-serving corrupt bastards, so fucking over another party will be a piece of piss.

Clegg will be made Home Secretary.  Well hoo-fucking-rah. Look at the last two to hold that poison chalice. Jacqui Smith achieved the square root of fuck all there, and Alan Johnson was deliberately put there to keep him out of the way, to quench his leadership ambitions.

So the fresh-faced boy, with all his hopes and aspirations, will disappear into the mire of the Home Office, and never be heard from again.

And Vince Cable ? Well, yeah Vince, we know we said you might be Chancellor, but you know, Ed Balls is doing such a great job there that we're just going to .. keep it under review. What's that? You'd like to help him? Well no, he's got lots of advisors, thanks, grandad. Off you go.

And what about all the other promises? Well, there'll be long, long, looooong look at PR voting, lasting about four years, which - if it looks like it'll help Labour in the 2015 election - will be adopted, and if it doesn't will be quietly dropped.

All of the Lib Dem's tax-raising ideas: airline tax, bank tax, the fucking stupid Mansion Tax, will be brought in immediately, and the basic rate will be increased: "well it was the Lib Dems idea, mate, ask them about it".
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Everything else will be forgotten. Lib Dem MP's will be sidelined, ignored - except when being bullied by whips in crucial votes.

Any other Lib Dem MP that tries to push back, to ask why promises have been broken, will be immediately and comprehensively ruined. Smeared, humiliated and forced out of office. Just weeks after the election, there'll be no Lib Dem in any position of real power or influence.
And, after a few months, we'll see that we've been through a General Election, and all that's resulted is that we've got Brown, Balls and Mandy for five more years. Only this time, Broon will tell us, he's got a mandate.

The markets will crash, sterling will plunge, the public sector will start growing uncontrollably again, immigration will soar, and ID cards will be introduced.

There'll be no way of stopping any of it.


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