Tactical voting? Balls

Only hours left until we shuffle down to what probably used to be a Primary School and is now an empty, largely pointless building, used twice a year, to exercise our franchise and cast our votes.

And as we count down, the sense of desperation in what we sincerely hope is the outgoing government is growing.

How can they claw back enough seats to cling to power? How can they prevent the eevil Tories winning seats?

Well, we hear that the traditional postal voting fraud is going tolerably well: the police are investigating 50 alleged cases of fraud, but that almost certainly suggests that at least another 50 have gone undetected, and those votes are - literally - in the bag.

But that might not be enough. What else have you got, Labour?

Ah, here comes Ed 'Blinky' Balls, the man who would be king. And he's got an idea.

Why not, suggests Blinky, just vote 'anyone but Tory'.

"I always want the Labour candidate to win but I recognise there is an issue in places like North Norfolk, where my family live, where Norman Lamb [the Lib Dem candidate] is fighting the Tories.....And I want to keep the Tories out."

Well, duh, Blinky. 'Anyone but..'. Is that the best you can do, for fuck's sake?

Don't you realise? Oh the fucking irony.

Because of people like you, Blinky, and your loathsome boss Broon, large swathes of the country - including CF - have been for some time considering the 'anyone but' vote. However, in virtually every case, the sentence running through our much-smarter-than-your minds ends in either 'Labour' or, more often, 'Gordon'.

We don't want the Labour party to continue its miserable, self-interested, ideologically-driven destruction of this once great nation.

We don't want the poor, battered economy to be driven further and further onto the rocks, with what's left of our money squandered on more and more pointless public sector jobs, building a generation of dependent Labour voters.

And in particular, we don't want to see Gordon Brown's twisted, gurning face any more. We  don't want to hear his negative, partisan attacks, we don't want to listen to his stammering b-b-b-bluster and we'll be really happy if we never, ever, have to hear any more of his lies.

So, yeah, Blinky, we'll be voting 'anyone but' - anyone but you, anyone but your crappy party.

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