Lord of the Pies

Even though he's - politically, at least - dead and buried, Gordon Broon continues to do stupid, partisan things from beyond the grave. The latest piece of fuckwittery is his plan to make John 'two jags' Prescott a Lord.

A Lord, for fuck's sake.

What, the man who livens up his canvassing by punching anti-Labour protestors in the face?

The man who claimed the maximum allowable expenses for food, which he then admits to vomiting down the two toilets that we also paid for?

Doubtless he'll be strongly supported by all the females in the Labour party - he's famous for being good with the ladies, is John.. And he didn't just limit himself to shagging his secretary, in his office, with the door open. Oh no.

Ask Tricia McDaid, former press officer at Labour party headquarters. She recalls the then deputy prime minister “jumped” on her at parties and once turned up uninvited at her home, hoping for sexual favours.

"He just leapt on me at one party and his tongue was halfway down my throat."

Nice. Such was Prescott’s reputation that Tricia resorted to wearing trouser suits "to avoid his wandering hands in the lifts" at his Westminster office.

And, girls, look what happened to Linda MacDougal , in the hallway of her own house, a few years ago:

"I opened the door to Prescott and showed him in. It was the first time I’d met him. As he came through the door, he pushed me quite forcefully against the wall and put his hand up my skirt ... He was just trying it on. ... I just rebuffed him politely. He shrugged and winked and we all carried on"

Super. And that was when he was just an MP - imagine the Droit de seigneur he'll have as a Lord, eh? Lock up your daughters.

But perhaps, in spite of the enhanced access to the knickers of the nation, he'll refuse. Asked about a peerage two years ago, he said: "I'm against too much flunkery and titles"

Oh, so you won't be accepting then, Prezza? "..but Pauline would like me to."

Oh, OK. That's why people go to the Lord's is it, John? Not to hold the Commons to account, to ratify and sanity-check proposed legislation, but to please their aspirational wives?

For fuck's sake.

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