Clegg and Mills to kick some ass

Good news for the Lib Dems, whose campaign, based entirely on the line 'we're not Labour. Or the Conservatives', seems to be floundering a little already.

Their spirits will be raised by today's revelation that celebrity ice-dancer, Beatle-botherer and odd-sock collector Heather Mills is backing them. Yay Lib Dems!

Presumably, the boy Clegg completely misheard when his advisers tried to explain to him exactly what his chances were in the upcoming General Election, and decided to draft in a one-legged woman to the arse-kicking contest.

Wonder how he persuaded her? Do you think he went down on one knee?

And why Heather? She's clearly unbalanced. Although a couple of beer mats under her left leg would sort that out.

Feel free to add your own cruel jokes in the comments. You know you can't resist...