Our masters, debating

The nation waits with bated breath for tonights televisual debates. Well, most of the nation. Not Crazy Elmont though - he already knows what's going to happen:

  • Throughout the day the 24 hour news channels will be trotting out media professors, hacks-for-hire, and lower-level MPs to tell us how important and ground-breaking the debates will be.
  • Once they’ve started the actual debate Twitter will be awash with RTs from Ellie Gellard, Kerry McCarthy, Alistair Campbell, Eric Pickles, Iain Dale, Shane Greer and John Prescott. Each of these people will be treating their 140 character soundbite regurgitation as the last word in political wisdom.
  • Once it’s finished any minor slip ups or reasonably funny quips will be repeated 4 times an hour for the next 3 days on TV, as if the person who said them has admitted raping their sister as a child.
  • Tomorrows papers will see the Guardian and the Mirror come out saying Brown won. Almost everyone else will have Cameron winning. Clegg might get The Indy if he’s lucky. The only thing to watch out for is if The Guardian wheels out John Harris, Polly Toynbee, Michael White and Jackie Ashley all in one day. There is the potential for a terminal smugness overload.
  • At the end of this circus we will know exactly the same about the actual policies as we did before, very little.
Anyone want to bet against any of those predictions?

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12 comments:

Sniper said...

A quibble. What phase of the I Hate/Venerate Gobshite disorder that Polly suffers from will be dominant?

Tom said...

I get the impression that you're against the debates then? We finally agree on something!

Uncle Marvo said...

"Once they’ve started the actual debate Twitter will be awash with RTs from Ellie Gellard, Kerry McCarthy, Alistair Campbell, Eric Pickles, Iain Dale, Shane Greer and John Prescott. Each of these people will be treating their 140 character soundbite regurgitation as the last word in political wisdom."

At least there's a decent pair of tits amongst that lot.

Anonymous said...

There's two certainties in this borefest:

i) none of them will answer a straight question

ii) Brown will endlessly quote tractor production stats and make cheap jibes at Cameron as he does at PMQs every week

Yaaaaaawwwwwwwnnnn ...

Norton Folgate said...

It will be 3 varieties of " we're right the other two are wrong" punctuated with party line, spin, lies and over rehearsed sound bites.

Jill said...

I know. Yawnsome. I am spending the evening actually doing some paid reportage on it you know. I'm part of the circus!

Snowolf said...

Cameron: Change, change, change, ch-ch-ch-ch-changes, turn and face the strain, etc. etc.

Brown: Toff, toff, toff, toff, evil Tories, it started in America.

Clegg: I'm not the other two.

There, that's saved us all and hour and half's valuable driking time.

JoBlo said...

All 3 of them in unison

"We must defeat the evil BNP"

And then give fake promises about "British job for British workers".

Chuckles said...

A mass debate. On television. All the party leaders pulling together for a more fluid situation.

Uncle M,

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_3QqO8EXd-II/S6XlZswLdtI/AAAAAAAAx3Q/_PjXBaGOl8Q/s1600-h/4465674_716b92a163_m.jpg

Bleedin Obvious said...

Why not get them to take part in a mass-debate?

Sorry if you're having you evening meal :(

Henry Crun said...

"Each of these people will be treating their 140 character soundbite regurgitation as the last word in political wisdom"

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Twitter, haiku for morons.

Captain Haddock said...

You've got it right there Uncle Marvo ..

You'd be hard pressed to find two bigger tits than Campbell & Prescott ..