Gordon's goodbye

Either by luck or by judicious application of pressure, Gordon Brown got the very last word in last night's debate. That's a good slot to have - it's much easier to make contentious points when there's no chance of anyone replying or denying.

And this was Brown's last chance to address such a large audience - mill-yuns of people. After this, it's back to hand-picked groups of activists, and stage managed press conferences.

So let's have a little look at what Gordon did, for his grand finale, shall we?

"I want to thank everybody who's been involved in these debates over the last few weeks. They show that there are big causes we can fight for. They also show that big differences exist between the parties"

Big? That'd be nice. But the main difference that we care about is that two of the parties are not Labour, and two of the parties are not led by a half-mad socialist with no popular mandate.

"But I've had the duty of telling you this evening that while we have policies for the future, the Conservatives would put the recovery immediately at risk with an emergency budget"

What? An emergency budget would put the recovery at risk? Should we all not look at our bank statements, in case we discover we've run up an enormous overdraft, you fuckwit?

Any new government is going to need a fresh budget, when it discovers the godawful fucking mess you've been trying to hide from us. And guess what? With you out of the way, Gordo, it'll be the first non-political budget, the first budget that's about finance rather than damaging the oppostion, that we've had for 13 years. Bring it on.

"David has not been able to confirm, but it is the case that inheritance tax cuts will go to the richest people in the country"

Oh please. Five fucking times you mentioned this in the debate. And endless times over recent weeks. No-one cares. If that's the only consistent line of attack you have - and it is - you're pretty much fucked.

"I believe he's planning to cut the Schools Budget .. I believe also that child tax credits would be cut by both parties if they came into a coalition"

Has anyone spotted a Labour policy yet? Anyone? No? This is literally your last chance, McBroon, to tell us what you would do, what your policies are. Surely you 'believe' more than these distortions and lies about your oppositions' plans?

"I believe too that policing would be at risk from a Conservative government.." 

Oh fuck off with 'I believe'; did your spinners tell you that if you used that phrase, you we allowed to follow it with a lie? I believe the sky is pink. I believe Gordon Brown is wearing a nappy. For fucks sake, credit us with some intelligence.

"And the health service guarantees that we have that gives every cancer patient the right to see a specialist within two weeks would be scrapped by the Conservative Government if they came into power"

Come on, Gordy, don't hold back. Look into the camera, and tell us that if we don't vote Labour, we're all going to die of cancer. Go on boy: really terrify us; scare the vulnerable into liking you. Frighten up some Labour votes, eh?

"I don't like having to do this, but I have to tell you.."

You don't like it? Bollocks - you fucking love it. It's what you do best - in fact, it's pretty much the only thing you do. Attacking opponents, smashing them aside, abusing and traducing them, whether they're an opposition party or an old lady: it's what you like better than anything, isn't it?

"..that things are too important to be left to risky policies under these two people. They are not ready for government, because they have not thought through their policies"

Ah, 'policies'. Now there's a difference between the parties: they've just described their policies, you've just wasted you whole final summing up with attacks on their policies. You idiot. What about your policies? Do you have any?

"We are desperate to get this country through the recession and into the recovery"

No you're not, you're 'desperate' to stay in power, come what may. To you, 'the recovery' is just an abstract point on a list - another way to save the world - something that could scrape together a couple more votes.

"..and that is what I intend to continue to do. But it's up to the people to decide, and it's your decision"

Yeah, Gordo it is. And it's a decision you should have given us a long, long time ago. You have clung to power for as long as you possibly could, and now you and your band of imbeciles can't cling on any longer

Goodbye, Gordon. With a bit of luck, that's the last we'll ever hear from you.

Thanks for nothing.


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