Gordon's not going anywhere

Everybody, but every-fucking-body, thinks Gordon Brown is on his way out. Those Labour MP's are finally going to grow a pair, rise up, and purge the one-eyed son of the Manse. Ding dong, the witch is dead.

Mark over at Mark Reckons is offering bets that he'll be gone by the end of the month.

According to Guido Fawkes, earlier today:

"Dealing rooms cheered as rumours swept around the Square Mile that Gordon was gone. Downing Street had to issue a denial that the Prime Mentalist had resigned. Soon Gordon, Soon."

But Guido's red italics are wrong. Mark's going lose his money. Because..

We may already be dancing in the streets in anticipation, but to cut through this eupohria, blogger Charlotte Gore (delightfully described by Obo' t'Clown as "not half sharp, especially for a Lib Dem") hoists her metaphorical skirts and pisses all over our chips.

Gordon Brown's departure could happen in one of two ways - he jumps or he's pushed. First Charlotte deals with the jumping: no fucking chance:

"..that would require Brown to grudgingly accept that there’s someone else in the Labour Party that can lead the party better than he can. There’s no way he’s going to accept that."

Shit. And..

"..it needs Brown to give up on his hope that he can turn things around as his ‘message’ of ‘action’ versus ‘nothing’ begins to get through. There’s no way he’s going to give up on that."

Bollocks. And..

"..he needs to believe that there’s someone else in the Labour Party who can fight at better General Election campaign than he can. Remember he believes himself to be the guy that got Blair re-elected in 2005. He’s the master campaigner, the master election strategist. No-one else can be trusted, can they?"

So he won't fucking jump. OK, Charlotte, can someone please push the fat fucker over the edge?

"He can be replaced at their Conference, assuming enough MPs can get the correct forms in to the NEC in the correct time-scales. But there’s the tricky issue of getting the NEC to issue these forms in the first place - there’s a precedent that they do not issue these papers while the Leader is serving as Prime Minister."


"The machinery of the Labour Party is set up to make it impossible for MPs to remove the Prime Minister with a democratic process."

For fuck's sake. But there's more. Or rather, for Gordon, there isn't:

"An alternative tactic would be for every Cabinet Minister to resign, and every backbencher refuse to take up a Cabinet post ... force the dissolution of parliament and an immediate General Election. Labour MPs will not want to use any tactic that causes a General Election."

"Same goes for a blackmail dissolution of Parliament vote .. More than 63 Labour MPs say they’ll vote ‘no confidence’ if Brown doesn’t resign before the vote - Brown would call their bluff and decide that standing up to backbench terrorists will stand him in good stead if they do, in fact, end up voting ‘no confidence’."

Everything Charlotte says, whilst fucking tragic, is horribly accurate and completely true. So, in a summary for the voting public?

The fucker's not going anywhere, unless he wants to. Which he fucking doesn't. Fuck.

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The End (Bye Bye!) said...

Brilliant summing up, that. Depressing, but brilliant.

Tony Blair said...

Let me give Gord a bell.

Can you confirm that th ecorrect number is 020 7930 4433

Di5grace said...

Fuck Fuck and Fucking FUCK

patently said...

Even when we've thrown him out via the ballot box, do you think that will be the end?

He'll be on every TV news show "See - the Tories are cutting! Cutting! I told you so! I was right all along! The public servies I built up will be destroyed! DESTROYED, I tell you!!"

He will be the Gordonator - kill him in the industrial crusher, and a hand will still come out to grab at you as you run...

Anonymous said...

I'm just full of good news today ain't I? :D

RantinRab said...

Like I said last night at my place, he won't go willingly. The top job is his destiny! And no cunt will take it from him!

Anonymous said...

Well there's always hope for unexpected things to happen to him.

run over by Blears
earthquake/struck by lightning
loses his voice as well as his mind
Ends up in the Priory with Boyle
grows a conscience

I live in hope.

subrosa said...

Great assessment by Charlotte. I think he'll hang on to the bitter end. Trouble is, his evaluation of the bitter end differs greatly from ours.

May return soon..fuckety fuck. said...

oh fuck. cunt, bollocks, shit, piss, bastarding cunt!.my visions of the snot gobbling one fucking the fuck off is shattered..or is it?...TB, i would like to assist in your phone call, deary.

Charlotte Gore said...

Lot of people now believing I've lost my tenner. I'm not so sure. They're going for the 'leave the cabinet' approach but other than Purnell doesn't look like there's going to be anyone else.

He'll reshuffle and try to pretend nothing's happened. Sickening.

Anonymous said...

Blimey Charlotte, how prohetic was that?? However, Brown's cabinet of curiosities is more like a DIY disaster