The most pathetic excuse ever?

Shahid Malik: we've talked about him before, haven't we?

Thats right - when he was first caught out troughing, he claimed that the MP's expenses guide the 'Green Book' was "my bible". Since he's a Muslim, that tells us all we need to know about his conformance with the commandments on troughing.

When he was initially fingered by the Telegraph, he toured the TV studios, making sure we all knew that he'd done nothing wrong and was very definitely not sorry.

Ironically, the bastard has more to be sorry about than most. Letters From a Tory reminded us in 2008:

"the clear winner of the award for the MP who cost the taxpayer the most money is… Shahid Malik from the Labour Party! He cost you and me £185,421 in a single year, which was £7,300 more than any other MP in the entire country"

And, while he pledged to donate the cash he claimed for his thousand quid television to 'worthy local causes' in his constituency, he made sure to remind us

"I am not doing it because I have done anything wrong.."

Gordon Brown obviously swallowed all of this guff: he's decided to turn a blind eye (the left one) to Malik's greed and arrogance and has re-appointed him as Communities Minister. Either that or Carole Smilie was busy, and had to turn down the gig.

His return to power put the greedy git right back in the spotlight, and sure enough, more dirt is surfacing. According to the Evening Standard:

"Communities minister Shahid Malik was hit by fresh controversy today after it emerged that he paid half his rent in cash for his constituency home."

Surely not? Surely Shahid, you didn't cut some dodgy, tax avoiding deal with your mate to save your money? You wouldn't have done something sleazy, greedy and possibly illegal for your own benefit whilst a Minister for Justice, would you?

Don't worry, here's Shahid to clear things up. It was all a teensy misunderstanding. Apparently:

"He defended the arrangements by insisting his first assumption was that he was being asked to pay £300 in cash, on top of the £320 by direct debit, to a fellow Muslim because it was a "matter of religious observance or a cultural norm".

"He insisted that he did not think it was an attempt at tax avoidance and there is no evidence that it was."

You are fucking joking, aren't you? Just how fucking thick do you think we all are?

And what the fuck are you trying to imply? CF hasn't actually completed his reading of the Koran but he's pretty fucking certain that there isn't a passage where Allah dictates that 320 quid is the absolute maximum for a fucking direct debit. CF would be surprised if any kind of limit on financial transactions is specified in any religious tracts, what with inflation and the ever-changing exchange rates over the centuries.

Could it be that, when you were caught red-handed, you scuttled off behind the big, heavy, protective curtain that protects all those who say "But I'm a Muslim, innit?"

++ UPDATE ++ : according to Guido, Sky news are reporting a 'new investigation' into Shady Malik. Can't see it on their news site, but lets hope its true.

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Norton Folgate said...

Pathetic, predictable and when all else fails inevitable.

Cate Munro said...

Class 'A' post my friend. I actually thought about that today - how long it would be before we hear the good ole race card being played. I wrote about him here the other day

Shady Malarkey said...

Arrived here from your post at Guido's blog.

The Malik story is barely being covered by national media, yet it remains the most important story of the day.

Not because Malik should be singled out as a target, but because the gains to democracy provided by the Telegraph exposure of MPs expenses are now at risk of being lost to media apathy and boredom.

Goblin said...

The Magistrates sitting at Dewsbury must hear more plausible excuses from some of the toe rags that frequently appear before them.

JuliaM said...

At least he's integrating with the natives...

"No income tax,
no V.A.T.,
No money back,
no guarantee..."

Does he have a Reliant Robin three wheeler too?

Lexander said...

This is a most important story and should be almost the top item on the BBC. (some bloody hope). He should be charged and jailed. Brown must be more than half blind to put up with this crafty sod. What a bleeding advert for bad Muslims.

Anonymous said...

They obviously really really want him back don't they. Why else would he get preferential treatment? Thankfully, I see from the comments at Sky, they are not putting up with this.

But, he's a million percent right remember?

The End (Bye Bye!) said...

Expect an army of 10,000 irate muslims in Westminster very soon...

Dave said...

Harriet Harmon is the BNP's best asset inside the Labour party. This
was suggested the day after a million stood behind the BNP last

"If an individual challenges and they maintain a practice not
employing any visible minority people, there is no doubt that like any
employer who has such practices, they can be sued," said employment
barrister and chair of the Society of Black Lawyers, Peter Herbert.

Oh the brainless irony in the last paragraph

O/T I know, so apologies. I saw the above on an newsgroup political forum. The unconcious irony is fantastic. Just read the last paragraph.

Bill Quango MP said...

Question time tonight and on the panel .. Peter hain, chris huhne and caroline spellman.

WTF? The Malik is our role model society annual meeting.

Anonymous said...

Lexander said, "Brown must be more than half blind to put up with this crafty sod". I thought Brown was, with only one eye and the other always in the wrong direction. I expect he has worms living in his skull too, would explain his mental state.

Anonymous said...

Why not tell him yourself? :-)