Where'd my money go? Oh there it is

According to the National Audit Office - and, fuck, if they don't know, who does?

"..major projects worth around £200 billion are at risk of not achieving value for money due to significant weaknesses in the expertise of government departments."

Which is a somewhat restrained way of saying that the Government departments are fucking everything up, and happily pissing billions of our money up the wall, down the plughole and all over our appalled faces, while doing so.

For fuck's sake.

So, who are the culprits? Where is this ineptitude and profligacy to be found? Well, according to the Telegraph :

"The Ministry of Defence, Department for Transport, and Department for Children, Schools and Families [came in] for particular criticism by the National Audit Office"

Dear God. So, not the minor ones then? The large departments, the ones that deal with the big, important parts of our lives are officially incapable of organising a piss-up in a brewery, are they? Even if George Best and Keith Floyd were ennobled and made into piss-up Czars? Oh fuck.

Does that mean that other departments are bit less fucking incontinent with our money? No. Oh no. According to the Telegraph,

"The watchdog said that there could be even greater risks associated with many more projects where the skills shortages were not being assessed systematically."

Which is a careful, polite way of saying, "and we can't even find out - because no-one even knows - what other major fuck ups are going on".

Well hoo-fucking-ray.

And are these woeful bastards doing anything about their total lack of competence?

"..some departments were trying to fill their "skills gaps" by using temporary staff and consultants, leading to over-reliance and a loss of knowledge when these contractors moved on"

Brilliant. Just fucking brilliant. So even more money gets thrown at Accenture, McKinsey and all the other providers of clean-shaven suit monkeys, so that they can train their graduate entrants and then walk away from the smouldering wreckage with their pockets bulging.

Edward Leigh, the chairman of the Commons Public Accounts Committee which oversees the work of the NAO, thinks that the government needed to get its fucking act together, and right quick at that. Only he said it slightly more politely:

"Time and again our committee has seen evidence of the public sector losing out when it deals with the private sector, simply because public authorities do not have enough staff with the commercial skills or experience they need.

"Given the current tough economic situation and the increasing involvement of the private sector in delivering public services, government must get the right people with commercial know-how in the right places quickly."

In other words, the slack-jawed, simple-minded jobsworths that sit in all the freshly minted non-jobs that have been created in the public sector are being bent over and rogered senseless by the people who actually have the brains and the drive to have found a job - a job that wasn't invented in 2006 to reduce the dole queues - in the private sector. Well, what a surprise. Who'd have thought?

The Office of Government Commerce said action - well of course, 'action' - was being taken to address the skills shortages in Whitehall.

"We look forward to continue working with departments to further maximise the effectiveness and impact of the initiatives we have established to plug shortfalls identified in capability and skills."

For fuck's sake. What in the flaming fuck does that mean? "We'll try to do better, honest"?

Don't bother. Just fucking give up, would you?

Tidy your desks, jot a resignation note, then step out of an upstairs fucking window. Thanks.



Captain Haddock said...

"Slack-jawed, simple-minded jobsworths that sit in all the freshly minted non-jobs that have been created in the public sector" .. = Core ZaNuLiebore voters ...

JuliaM said...

"Brilliant. Just fucking brilliant. So even more money gets thrown at Accenture, McKinsey and all the other providers of clean-shaven suit monkeys..."

Well, where else are MPs to find jobs after the next election..?

Anonymous said...

Government departments recruit for diversity rather than ability. That does't help.

Jill said...

Oh, it all just starts at the top. I've been saying since forever that the Cabinet has about as much collective nous and ability as a PTA committee whose school fete, planned for in endless interminable meetings, just raised 43p.

The thing is, CF, the Tories strike me as equally incompetent. The only thing that separates them and New Labour - and I include policy in this - is rhetoric. The Tories might lose some public sector jobs, but there's absolutely no chance they'll make the job the public sector does more efficient.

We're surrounded by nincompoops.

Captain Haddock said...

I fully agree Jill .. and we're likely to stay that way until someone comes along and who is willing to show the courage to put a stop to it all ..

Sadly, that man is definitely not Cameron ..

thespecialone said...

I will be honest and say I work in the pubic...err sorry public sector. I do though actually provide a worthwhile output that affects everybody (truly I do!). However, as someone who has moved from the private sector to the public sector, I can honestly say that wherever you look, there is waste. For instance, in my area I will talk about the promotion process. It takes 2 fucking months...and that is once all the internal applicants have written up their evidence (this can take a whole solid week). They have to write it up on whizzy software (written by consultants and cost a fortune). It goes through 4 stages. Yes 4! It involves 100s of manhours/oops sorry personhours. Then once the successful applicants have been chosen...it may be another few months before a suitable job at the higher grade is found to match their skills! Can anyone tell me whether that happens in a large private sector organisation? Oh, and very often, the people who get promoted are those that can lie, and lie in a manner that impresses HR. Am I bitter? No....just glad that I am not 20 something and have only about a decade of work left to do.

Captain Haddock said...

Hi Specialone ..

You have my total sympathy .. it must be galling to see those who can "tick" the various diversity boxes getting preferential treatment over those with a proven ability & willingness to work hard ..

And as I know from personal experience, it doesn't matter how crap those from the "diversity" brigade are at the job .. they're completely "bomb-proof" ..

Keep yer head down & yer chin up (talk about being a contortionist) .. Lol

caesars wife said...

Alas in the months ahead why Cw thinks socialists are nutters .

The state running your life in some sort of perfect harmony , requires the state to have a tool for every bit of dissention .

By its nature the state has to induce you into compliance whilst at the same time exerting more power . The first attempts were more about state fear and gun co ersion , the stasi communist set ups .

Let us not forget that only a year ago ID cards , car satellite tracking , were all labour polices and orwellian .

I have never understood why labour got into these ideas , i really dont understand why the kinnocks, balls and millibands love state control so much.

After 12 years there is no example of a state run eutopia and a whole load of graves of the dead who opposed it .

As you say , where has the money gone ? I mean you might come to the conclusion that the nutters want to bring about state eutopia by busting the country . eh hold a minute !

banned said...

Which partly explains why the owners of such outfits as fake private companies like Action4Employment and phoney Training Providers go on to become millionaires despite achieving very little.

Anonymous said...

The Public sector is handicapped by a) having to recruit in their immediate area, b) diversity requirements, c) ridiculously low entry rates.
One Government department is based in Archway - entry rate is £11,600 a year.
Given that Macdonald's will take you on as a trainee manager at over £12,000 a year you can imagine the calibre of person they end up with in an area heavily studded with 'recent arrivals'.