What is it NOW?

Dear God, CF goes away for five minutes (well, three days) and look what happens.

Just when you thought that MP's as a species could sink no lower, that they were irretrievably sunk in the mire of their own filthy ways, the greedy, self-serving bastards prove you wrong.

Stephen Byers, Patricia Hewitt and Geoff Hoon - not exactly the most glorious trio in the history of modern politics - were all apparently thick enough - and greedy enough, and desperate enough - to fall for a sting by a fake US lobbying firm. Really? Yes, really. For fuck's sake.

In the kind of pathetically obvious trap usually used to get dimwitted models to offer ten grand shags, or even more dimwitted footballers to offer Cup Final tickets in exchange for a couple of lines of coke, these grasping MP's were easily tripped by their own own greed.

Asked whether they'd be interested in whoring influence for cash, all three fell flat on their backs, legs apart, pound signs flashing in their piggy little eyes, not hearing the whirr of the tape recorder.

Byers was particularly boasftful of his connections and influence. He told an undercover reporter he had secured secret deals with ministers, could get confidential information from Number 10 and was able to help firms involved in price fixing get around the law.

He even offered access to Tony Blair for Christ's sake, although why anyone would want that - other than to smash his stupid, grinning face in - is hard to imagine.

And he offered all this for mere five grand a day, the grasping bastard.

It's all gone down about as well as a glass of cold sick at Labour HQ, and the handful of Labour MP's who actually have some hopes of having a seat after the upcoming election have scurried to distance themselves from this lastest fiasco.

"Ridiculous", says Alistair Darling; the boy Milliband is "..appalled". In a sinister statement, that should have Byers looking over his shoulder, Archduke Mandleson says that he has "no recollection" of any meeting with Byers.

Politicians from other parties, grinning with relief, have also weighed in: "..very, very sleazy" says Nick Clegg. First thing he's got right this year.

"Shocking", says CallMeDave Cameron, pinching his own thigh under the table to stop himself smiling.

And as for Gordon Brown, well, he's ... he's ... what? Yes, what?

What does the Leader of the party from which all these greedy sleazebags came think?

What does the Prime Minister of the Government enmired in this scandal have to say?

As ever, no-one knows. Not a fucking word.

Macavity 'Courage' Broon has vanished.



JuliaM said...

Probably over on Mumsnet or 'Woman's Hour', desperately hoping to be asked about his favourite biscuits...

Captain Haddock said...

The evidence (if it actually exists) should be immediately and publicly handed over to Police (with the Press there to witness that hand-over) and the three should be arrested and investigated for corruption ..

Nothing else will do and people should make it happen by not allowing the whole matter to be swept under the usual carpet ..

The pressure needs to be kept on both Labour & their "tame" Police Chiefs ..

banned said...

Stephen Byers, Patricia Hewitt and Geoff Hoon, The hasbeen trio. "They thought they were all over...They are now!"

Antisthenes said...

Mandelson really should see a Doctor for these frequent bouts of amnesia, this illness is seriously damaging our credulity.

Anonymous said...

"Mandelson really should see a Doctor for these frequent bouts of amnesia"

Let's hope the bottom fondler has ealry stage Alzheimers

Anonymous said...

Just remember all these greedy f***ers told us they were MD material, hence the need for a massive salary.

Considering Byers, Hewitt and Hoon were not lowly backbenchers but held pretty senior positions, have they been acting like captains of industry, or just local councillors that got lucky?

Antisthenes said...

Let's hope the bottom fondler has early stage Alzheimer s.

Surely that is the precise qualification needed to be a Labour politician and if you are a total Alzheimer suffered even better.

Uncle Marvo said...

He's still there.

Half of the country is threatening to strike if they're not striking already, the pound is worth shit, people are being killed all over the world, the conservatives are going to get a landslide, the NHS is a festering pool of disease, we're borrowing five quid a second ...

... and everyone in the country will get superfast broadband by 2020.

Yay! for priorities.

Dave H said...

Better still, his defence is that he was merely lying at the time.

Beyond parody.

Then again, I can't believe Gordon get away 'scot' free after lying to Chilcot. He even lied when pointing out his lie ('one or two times' when it was 4).

selsey.steve said...

McBroon has said that a Parliamentary Enquiry is NOT necessary.
It's all part and parcel of the 'normal' Westminster hurly-burly, dontcha know?