Will Brown help Greece make a Drachma out of a crisis?

Greece is in a terrible mess. They've run out of money, and need a bailout. A big one.

In theory, of course, we can watch safely from behind the sofa. In spite of the Lord High Mandelson's best efforts over the years, we're not (yet) in the Eurozone, so all of this excitement can be stored in the file marked Somebody Else's Problem.

In practice, things are very different.

This poor, unfortunately country is cursed with a Prime Minister who just doesn't know how to stop spending. A PM who is quite happy to throw our money into any old hole in the ground, provided he can be made to look good doing so. And a PM whose favourite activity, whose chosen hobby in fact, is international, pro-celebrity showboating.

Brown is never happier than when striding into the flashlights of the world press, announcing that he has - once again - saved everyone, and informing baffled foreigners that some people called 'The Tories' would not have done nearly as brilliantly as he just has.

But not this, please, Gordon. Not more international handouts. We don't have to do this, you know.

And we've got abso-lewtly, as you would say, no money left. You and your colleagues have spent it all. Then printed some more and spent that too. We haven't got a pot to piss in, thanks to your friend 'Prudence' and her enormous bust.

Sadly, Gordon can't control himself. Like an incontinent puppy, if he gets over-excited, the cash just squirts out. And this, of course, is an exciting opportunity. Broon is off to the capital of euroland today, where this is already being discussed.

So, while he solemnly tells MP's that he will not be joining in the Greek bailout, dearie me no, the other of his two faces is pointed toward the world's media, who he tells:

"At the G20 conference in London in April we put in place arrangements that could help countries if they were in difficulty. These arrangements are still in place and have been used by some countries ... It's up to the euro area to decide what they wish to do in relation to euro area countries but there is international support available if Greece wishes it."

Not too cryptic that, is it? Not very 'coded'. Even given the fucking ridiculously convoluted style in which Broon pontificates, the message is clear.

If the lovely Cheryl Cole were to announce 'It's up to CF to decide what he wishes to do in relation to coffee and brandy but there is some available up in my flat if CF wishes it"  he would find it hard to stop grinning, pretty certain he was onto a sure thing.

So, a foreign nation in desperate need of billions, and a corrupt and spendthrift UK Prime Minister in desperate need of publicity.

You just know what he's going to do, don't you?



A Zimbo said...

CF, what amazes me about this news item today is that on every blog that I have read, where this theme has been brought up by a blogger there is not one single comment by a member of the populace. To me that just goes to show that the people couldn't care a fuck. The depth of their apathy seems to demonstrate why we have, and duly deserve, an utter cunt like Gordon Brown running this country into the ground. People would appear to have been (And still are) too fucking lazy to bother asking the question "Why?"

A Zimbo said...

P.S. I appreciate that in the case of your Blog the item has not been out more than about 40 minutes or so but on other blogs a few hours have passed and not a squeak. I find it dumbfounding.

Bristol Dave said...

Equally worrying the sentence in this BBC News article:

EU rules prevent eurozone members from jointly bailing out Greece, but bilateral help might be forthcoming.

So is that a not-so-hidden confirmation that we will be bailing them out?

JuliaM said...

Brilliant title! ;)

JuliaM said...

"CF, what amazes me about this news item today is that on every blog that I have read..."

Ahh, A Zimbo. So many blogs, so many Labour atrocities, so little time... ;)

Constantly Furious said...

@Julia, thanks: was smiling to myself on the train about that one ;-)

Pam Nash said...

Gordon Clown appears to have the monetary equivalent of Tourette's - unable to control himself even though he knows (surely??) that it's SO wrong.

Captain Haddock said...

Beware Greeks bearing debts ...

Anonymous said...

The missing link is discussed here.

Essentially, Article 122 of the Lisbon Treaty can be activated and force Britain to bail out Greece. There is no veto and needs only a majority vote.

Anonymous said...

If cheryl cole was to take over the running of the country she would do a better job than this useless cunt !

paulo said...

Yep this about sums up McAvity.

Scorched earth policy in case he loses and (God help us) if he wins it will all be the Tories fault that the country is broke...for whatever reason he cares to make up.


Mrs Rigby said...

"announcing that he has - once again - saved everyone"

He's like "Eccles" from the Goons, he believes what's written on a piece of paper. He says things, sees them in print - so they must be true, but only if it's his own words.

(Script "What time is it, Eccles?" ->

caesars wife said...

It gets better , as if greece is bailed pressure then switches to spain , portugal.italy, republic of ireland and then us .

You can picture the scene of home sweet home , men sharpening pitch forks , women mending leather jurkins ,children tearing rags to make torches . all to attend labour candiadtes hsutings

patently said...

The missing link is discussed here.

Essentially, Article 122 of the Lisbon Treaty can be activated and force Britain to bail out Greece. There is no veto and needs only a majority vote.

Good Lord, how stupid were we when we voted in favour of *that* treaty... oh... hang on...