Mad about the release of the Lockerbie bomber? Want to teach those haggis-eating surrender monkeys over in Scottishland a lesson? Sure you do! Well guys, you're in luck.
A nameless supporter of the U S of A has gone through Wikipedia's list of Scottish inventions and discoveries , so you'll know what to avoid. You can teach those pesky skirt-wearing caber-tossers a valuable lesson by turning your back on all the things below. Ready? Here we go...
- Road Travel
The pneumatic tyre, tarmac and the two stroke engine are all Scottish inventions and as such should be avoided. Unfortunately it is best if you don't cycle either as that was also invented by a Scotsman. For the time being please walk instead.
Set down the remote control, unhook the cable and turn off the television set as its inventor was born in Helensburgh. I know it might be difficult, but think about all the time you will have free to do other things, just make sure you walk to them.
If you do have a suspension bridge in your area please consider contacting your local government official and demand its removal.
- Finger Printing
Any American citizen convicted using finger print evidence should be pardoned immediately.
- Cold beer
Remove all beverages from the fridge, a cooler will have to do. Just remember that every warm beer is bringing us one step closer to Scotland relenting. A reduction in liquid consumption might be a good thing as every patriotic American should remove the flush toilet from their bathroom.
While enjoying your warm FREEDOM™ beer please petition your local government official to begin disbanding the American PGA (remember not to use the telephone, post, radio, fax or a computer - perhaps their office is within walking distance?) also you should urge Lance Armstrong to be a true all American and give up cycling.
So, yankees; what are you waitin' for? Get to it. Yeeeehaaaa!!!
Hat-tip to the anonymous person at http://www.boycottscotland.co.uk/ who put this list together. Excellent.