The current government's never-ending obsession with our health is having a detrimental affect on CF's personal health: every time he hears of the latest piece of demented fuckwittery from Nanny State, his blood pressure creeps even higher.
The reading nearly went off the scale when CF learned that Andy Burnham, the Health Secretary, has just announced that he has ordered doctors to write “prescriptions” detailing the "amount of exercise patients should take in order to get healthy".
Aarggghhhhh. Can you die of rage? The lights are getting dimmer. Nurse!
For fuck's sake. Why is every fucking Labour supporter and useful idiot in the land Twittering '#welovethenhs' over and over, when it can't even cope with keeping people well unless they live their lives the government-prescribed way?
Is this serious? Yes it is:
"As part of the Government’s Let’s Get Moving campaign, GPs are being encouraged to write out detailed programmes, with a weekly plan of activities such as gym sessions, evening sports classes and weekend team events."
"Elderly and less active patients will be steered towards walking groups, yoga sessions in community centres or even ballroom dancing lessons. "
Dear God. Is there nothing this bunch of fuckwits considers to be none of their fucking business?
And don't think you can just nod and smile at Nanny, then ignore her advice:
"Follow-up appointments will be made with doctors or nurses based in GP practices to ensure that patients are sticking to their prescriptions."
"Those who struggle to keep up will be given tips and advice on sticking to a fitness regime, or may be offered alternative suggestions for exercises and activities more suited to their lifestyle. "
"GPs need to agree a goal with a patient, help them to stick to it and check up on them."
Check up on them? What the flying fuck is this? Post-war East Germany? What's the story, Andy? Why are you doing this? Well, Andy feels that
"he wanted to encourage the public to take part in a “golden decade” of physical activity"
A Golden Decade? What kind of fucking talk is that? Has CF fallen asleep and woken up in Moscow in 1979? Are there going to be giant statues of grinning athletes and healthy factory workers in every square in every town? Are we going to give Susan Boyle some steroids so she can sweep the board at the 2012 olympics?
And this isn't a one-off, is it? Oh no.
Patently Rubbish has spotted (yet another) ridiculous government 'intiative': this one is to get us all dancing. Dancing? Yes: Arlene 'bit too old' Philips has been appointed as a 'Dance Champion', some sort of Tsarina of the Dance, to get us all up and off our lazy arses. Dear god. You really couldn't make this shit up.
Oh, and there's more. SubRosa recently protested about the governments urge to prevent supermarkets offering "Buy One Get One Free" deals.
Apparently, we're all far too fucking stupid to be trusted to do our own shopping. We might buy two, then throw one away, if we're not properly instructed and supervised. Or, worse, we might buy two, then eat both. Then get fat. Oh, what are we like?
CF himself recently lambasted the last idiotic idea from Andy 'come on, its good for you' Burnham, tricking us into going swimming by running a little competition to invent a new swimming stroke.
Naturally, we can't be trusted to choose to go swimming without some lovely little reward, can we? And if we don't go swimming, we might get fat, mightn't we? Especially if we ate both of those pies we got from Tesco yesterday.
Surely, surely, there are enough things wrong with Parliament, with this country and in the world that the Government should have a full-time job sorting out real issues. Why are they obsessed with prying into our lives, patronising us with these pathetic initiatives?
As Patently says:
"It is the Government's job to keep me safe via an effective army, an effective police force, and an effective justice system ..
It is emphatically not the Government's job to hire people to nag me to do stuff that the Government may think is in my best interests"
CF would put it a little more succinctly: Nanny? Fuck off, would you?