The clash of the tight 'uns

The nation waits, breathless with anticipation, for the mightiest clash seen for many a decade.

Yes, tonight three men will bicker about who will be tightest with our money; who will squander the least of the taxpayers cash. Doubtless figures will be exchanged, hard maths done in heads. A sort of cage fight for accountants, if you will.

So, will Vince Cable convince us that he's prudence incarnate? Of course he fucking won't. He's in that traditional LibDem comfort zone of knowing you can promise what the fuck you like, safe in the knowledge you'll never be given the mandate to follow up on it. A free bicycle for every man, woman and child? Of course, just as soon as the LibDems come to power.

Well then, perhaps Alistair 'Badger' Darling will sway us with his rhetoric, his verve, his ready wit. What? Have you heard the tedious fucker droning on? He'd have become a chartered accountant if he'd been able to stand the heady excitement. He may be a safe pair of eyebrows, but you wouldn't want him speaking at your wedding.

And how about the Boy Osborne? Perhaps he'll tell us more about the great NI giveaway he thought of in the shower this morning. Perhaps he'll tell us how the revision for his GCSE economics is coming along - not long now, Georgie!

Regardless of who comes out on top, and who proves to be - to use the phrase that Labour appear to have stolen - "the weakest link", we're in for a lorra, lorra laffs. Probably.

CF can't wait. Truly, this will be Do-Not-Miss Television for the slavering masses...

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