Pope gives abuse his blessing?

Controversy continued to grow yesterday as it emerged that the Pope had failed to stop a man abusing his position to bugger thousands of people.

Some years ago, concerned individuals had contacted the then Cardinal Ratzinger to warn him that if Gordon Brown were to become Prime Minister, the population of the United Kingdom would be completely buggered.

Tony Blair, a life-long devout Catholic, said last night

"Look. I wrote to say that I knew this man; I knew what he was capable of, y'know.

I warned the Pope that he should not, under any circumstances, be left alone with a vulnerable nation."

However, the Cardinal chose to ignore the warnings, claiming that his boss, a big, bearded, angry man who lives in the sky, had told him there were more important things to worry about, like making sure poverty-stricken darkies didn't go messing about with contraceptives.

Unimpeded, Brown attained the position he had long coveted, and shortly afterwards began to abuse his helpless victims.

Tens of thousands were forcibly abused; lives were ruined and entire industries were made to swallow very unpleasant things indeed. Several victims claimed to have suffered agonies during a painful and degrading sex act known as a Clunking Fisting.

And yet the abuser clung to his post for years, refusing to relinquish the position that enabled him to continue with his abuses.

Victims are only now beginning to speak out. One small business owner, who would not be named, said tearfully:

"After what Brown and the Labour party did to me, I'm a changed person. I don't like to go out into new markets, I don't see many of my customers any more and I've started to drink heavily.

The strain was too much for the relationship with my bank, and we split up shortly afterwards"

When asked about this large-scale, long-term abuse, Social Workers refused to condemn the perpetrator, saying:

"We really didn't consider what he did to be abuse in the strict sense. In fact. Mr Brown pleasured us extremely skillfully, increasing our wages and creating thousands of new jobs for us and our colleagues.

Frankly, we've enjoyed every minute of it".

It is believed that many of the victims were deaf, completely deaf, to what Brown was doing,  and would probably vote Labour again.

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