Cold Weather Scots

The Scots react differently to the cold weather than the English:

At 50°F
People in Southern England turn on the central heating
People in Edinburgh plant out bedding plants

40°F
Southerners shiver uncontrollably
Glaswegians sunbathe on the beach at Largs

35°F
Cars in the South of England refuse to start
People in Falkirk drive with their windows down

20°F
Southerners wear overcoats, gloves and woolly hats
Aberdonian men throw on a t-shirt; girls start wearing mini-skirts

15°F
Southerners begin to evacuate to the continent
People from Dundee swim in the River Tay at Broughty Ferry

0°F
Life in the South grinds to a halt
Inverness folk have the last BBQ before it gets cold

-10°F
Life in the South ceases to exist
People in Dunfermline throw on a light jacket

-80°F
Polar bears wonder if it's worth carrying on
Boy Scouts in Oban start wearing their long trousers

-100°F
Santa Claus abandons North Pole
People in Stirling put on their 'long johns'

-173°F
Alcohol freezes
Glaswegians get upset because all the pubs are shut

-297°F
Microbial life starts to disappear
The cows in Dumfriesshire complain about farmers with cold hands

-460°F
All atomic motion stops
Shetlanders stamp their feet and blow on their hands

-500°F
Hell freezes over
Scotland will support England in the World cup


Hat-tip to Wee Keithy, CF's porridge-wog mate.

7 comments:

Witty Moniker said...

The Scots react differently to the cold weather than the English:

At 50°F
People in Southern England turn on the central heating
Gadgies in Edinburgh plant hash in Macdonalds

40°F
Southerners shiver uncontrollably
Glaswegians sunbathe on the steps of the Dole Office

35°F
Cars in the South of England refuse to start
People in Falkirk steal cars in their shirt sleeves

20°F
Southerners wear overcoats, gloves and woolly hats
Aberdonian men throw on a sheep

15°F
Southerners begin to evacuate to the continent
People from Dundee drown in the River Tay at Broughty Ferry looking for the legendary lost pound coin.

0°F
Life in the South grinds to a halt
Inverness folk steal the last BBQ from B&Q before it gets cold

-10°F
Life in the South ceases to exist
People in Dunfermline throw another cat on the fire.

-80°F
Polar bears wonder if it's worth carrying on
Boy Scouts in Oban wear gloves when getting shagged by their scoutmasters

-100°F
Santa Claus abandons North Pole
People in Stirling try to claim it

-173°F
Alcohol freezes
Glaswegians get upset because they have to chew their Buckie - if only they had teeth

-297°F
Microbial life starts to disappear
The cows in Dumfriesshire complain about farmers with cold condoms

-460°F
All atomic motion stops
Shetlanders stamp their feet and blow on their hands to fill out their EU subsidy forms

-500°F
Hell freezes over
Glaswegians elect an honest politician.


http://mightyfinewords.blogspot.com/

banned said...

I'm reporting you to Hariet Harman and Trevor Phillips for Raaaaacism! And I don't mean "CF's porridge-wog mate.", whatever TF that means.
Racism occurs whenever somebody, ie me, percieves it; I percieve it so you are guilty, period.

TheBigYin said...

Grrrrr CF! :¬)

RantinRab said...

Ootside ya bass, yir claimed!!

subrosa said...

Excellent! What a hardy nation we are compared with your soft southerners.

I had my first BBQ yesterday and it fired up first time. Then it was Made in Scotland. :)

Rab, didnae gie him a hard time, he's a nice man, honest!

John Pickworth said...

I'm the reverse of this... the hotter the better.

I've never experienced sunburn in my life and find the tropics wonderful (visited in summer of course).

Every time I see the advert about turning down the thermostat I notch it up 10 degs. I'm the climate's Enemy Number One
:)

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