Labour: Twits.

Even though they know they can't possibly win it, Labour have stated their intention to fight the next election on every front. Every front, including the Internet, Facebook and Twitter.

Those who are really in touch with the zeitgeist, and 'down with the kids', like John Prescott, know that Twitter is an easy way of getting your message out the thousands, with minimal effort.

Kerry McCarthy - or '@KerryMP', as she must now be known - has been selected as the Labour Twitter Csar, reigning over a vast army of twitterers. And, fucking hell, are they flogging it. Labour MP's, Labour councillors and fucking hundreds of Labour activists have really stepped up their game in recent weeks.

The #weLoveTheNHS campaign was just a sample of what is to come . It was, as CF pointed out at the time, entirely cynical political opportunism, but it grabbed the headlines - on the net and in the the dead tree press - all the same.

None of these useful idiots seem to have jobs, or indeed any occupation at all which might prevent them from endlessly 'tweeting' pro-Labour or - much, much more frequently, anti-Tory - soundbites from dawn 'til dusk. If one of them tweets a particularly pithy phrase, the rest all slavishly 'retweet' it. Some even re-Tweet the replies to their previous tweets. An exponential growth in the amount of complete, utter bollocks soon drowns out everything else.

This weekend, we saw popular LibDem blogger Mark 'Reckons' Thompson get jumped all over in Twitterland for his remarks about the nonsensical 'Paedo until proven otherwise' legislation. He was subject to a sustained attack, with all the characteristic nasty New Labour smears, distortion and if-you're-not-with-us-you're-evil ("why do you want peodophiles to remain undetected?") bullshit that we've come to expect in other channels.

The aggression, the blinkered views, the cynical twisting and the constant anti-Tory negativity in place of pro-Labour positivity are slowly filling the airwaves. Every event in the real world, and every statement in the media, is swiftly adopted as yet more fucking proof that Gordon Brown is a hero, or that evil Tories will rape your kittens.

This is a battle that can't be won. Labour will soon take over the Twitter political arena in the UK. They have hordes of online activists, some doing this for the love of Labour, some doubtless funded by taxpayers money. They'll just keep going. The best thing to do is to keep well away from Twitter, and the fucking idiots who are now taking it over. That's the only way to keep your blood pressure down.

On the other hand, if you want to join CF in a world of blind, eyeball-popping, heart-pounding fury, just pop over to Twitter; start 'follow'ing @bevaniteEllie, @JohnPrescott, @tugsandtost, @kerryMP; follow anyone they approve of, agree with or retweet.

Within a few short minutes, you too will be virtually incoherent with rage.



Dippyness. said...

Have just asked BevaniteEllie if she accepts her demigods have feet of clay. Doubt I'll get a response. :(

StaceyUK said...

I suspect most people will just use the block feature and may even report them as spam.

SteveShark said...

Ever read our new TwitterCzar's blog?

She sounds as if she'd be a fucking riot at parties:

My blog = my rules!
As Monica says in Friends, "rules are good, rules help control the fun!"

Pass the Vimto!

Anonymous said...

Of course, once the election is announced, @KerryMP will have to drop the MP bit. Someone should sign up to all the variations she might use before she realises she won't be able to use @KerryMP during an election campaign.

Do it for all the other Web 2.0 twunts as well.

SteveShark said...

@KerryMPFailed will do nicely.

I look forward to blocking it sometime in the not too distant future.

Anonymous said...

Have just visited the twat site of kerrymp, clearly the girl is a halfwit, .

Tom Mein said...

Don't do twitter, but surely you do not have to log onto their sites if you do not want to read their twaddle?
Let them just twitter onto each other and leave them happy in their own little world.

Anonymous said...

As David Cameron said lon live radio...too many twitters make a twat.

Rob said...

I hate twitter, most of the time the things I want to say take up a lot more than 140 characters. Saying that, I'm an inconsistent bastard so will probably sign up next week so I can hurl abusive tweets at random twats.

Mr Eugenides said...

I'd say 140 characters or less is the ideal medium for John Prescott, surely?