On your bike

In what we can only hope are the final months of this corrupt and incompetent government strange, even bizarre, things are going on.

With almost nothing left to lose, Labour have apparently decided to let anyone, everyone, have a go at governing, and even at coming up with new laws. The lunatics are being given a chance to run the asylum. "My turn, my turn, I've got one".

What is the government doing about the disastrous war in Afghanistan? About the recession, which seems to have ended everywhere but here? About that Libyan bomber? About the expenses scandal? About the broken education system?

Who knows?

But what they are doing, according to the Sunday Times, is planning to change the law, making

..motorists legally responsible for accidents involving cyclists or pedestrians, even if they are not at fault

What? What? Is this a fucking joke?  Dear God; can this really be true? Oh yes.

Government advisers are pushing for changes in the civil law that will make the most powerful vehicle involved in a collision automatically liable for insurance and compensation purposes

Why? Why in the name of fuck would you want to do that?

"to encourage greater take-up of environmentally friendly modes of transport"

Ah. There we are. If you want to get what you want, be it access to public funds, grants for 'research' or the laws changed just for you, the magic word is no longer 'Abracadabra'. It's certainly not 'Please' anymore. No ,the magic word is now 'Green'.

Yes, 'Green' is the trump card. Overriding everything, even common sense. 'Green' is so important that we must change the very laws of the land - even if it makes them utterly, utterly, Alice-in-Wonderland, Toynbee-on-acid, nonsensical - to herd the sheeple in the right direction.

Doubtless some hand-wringing tree-hugger could come up with some tolerable reasons to get more of the population onto bicycles, but is it really necessary to acheive this by offering them the sort of blanket legal indemnity that would make a Libyan terrorist blush and mutter "no, no, this is too much, really".

Of course it fucking isn't. This smacks of good old fashioned special-interest lobbying.

Aaaannnndddd ... yes. Here he is. Phillip Darnton, chief executive of 'Cycling England', an "agency funded by the Department for Transport" - so, a fucking Quango funded by us - to promote cycling, said

“I would like to see the legal onus placed on motorists when there are accidents"

Yes, well, you probably fucking would. CF would like a Ferrari and a mud-wrestle with Megan Fox, but let's be realistic here. Surely this taxpayer-funded, woefully misguided, incredibly inappropriate lunacy can't be taken seriously?

No. too late. It's started already:

'the government is spending £100m on building cycle routes in 18 pilot towns.'

One hundred million? Brilliant. Delightful. So CF recently paid over 400 fucking quid for the privilege of using the pot-holed roads for another year, some of which was doubtless used to fund these fucking toy-town roads for bicycles.

CF has ranted about cyclists before, and his fury at their complete inability to obey any of the rules of the road, or the pavement, or wherever they choose to go. And their weekend races, held on major roads that we pay increasingly ridiculous amounts of 'road tax' to build and maintain, and that they consider to be a playground provided free of charge for their delight.

If this law ever makes to the statute books - and, given the stupidity of the current government and the power of the word 'Green', it probably bloody will, then it'll be time for the people to rise up and take action.

The law says that the 'most powerful' vehicle is to blame. So bikes always beat cars in this game. But similarly, pedestrians beat bikes. Same rules. The next steps are obvious.

Throw yourselves under the wheels of bicycles at every opportunity. Jump out in front of them from behind lampposts. Fling yourselves at them from between parked cars.

Yes they'll go clattering to the ground. Their 500 quid carbon-fibre toys might get broken. Their fluorescent spandex might get torn. Their silly little mushroom helmets might get scratched. They might be hurt and angry, but you must remind them of the law - it's their fucking fault.



mungle said...

Towards the end of the war when it became clear to all that the Nazis were going to lose the intensity and pace of their crimes increased. Is a similar mental mechanism at play here? Are quangoes and interest groups striving to get what they can now in the dying days in the hope that a new government lets them hold on to their new toys?

Ed P said...

So now we can all crash into Veyrons*, even if they're stationary, and it will be their fault? Ha ha, fucking ha, stick that up your exhaust pipe, Clarkson!
Polos Vs. Golfs? Meganes Vs. Lagunas? This will be fun!
* Unless you drive some more powerful machine - envy should rid our roads of supercars very quickly.

Tode said...

Sorry to piss on a good story but the Government is not proposing this. A small amount of research with a well known search engine will confirm.

Pavlov's Cat said...

If you go to their site and find the annual report, your will see this huge cockend crowing that were awarded 140 mio pounds over 3 years in 2008. (up from 10 mio a year previously ) Christ they must have wanked themselves into unconciousness.

Cycling England Annual report 2007-2008 opens in Adobe

JuliaM said...

You know, Toad..sorry, 'Tode' has a point. After all, when was the last time some useless quango's mitherings over anything actually made it into public policy and legislation resulted in...


Captain Haddock said...

Absolutely agree CF ..

Totally bloody ludicrous ..

Cyclists should be Tested, Licensed, Insured & their cycles be subject to an annual "MoT" to ensure their road worthiness .. just like every other road user ..

Anonymous said...

....make the most powerful vehicle involved in a collision automatically liable for insurance and compensation purposes"
i collided with a pedestrian who stepped out without looking, and fell off my motorbike. the constable was going to charge the bruised pedestrian, as the accident was his fault.
under this "law" i would be guilty because someone else is a fool.
something strange and terrible has happened to our country.

Cycling England said...

Motorists == Arrogant fools

The reason the law has to change to protect the cyclist is that every accident *is* the motorists fault

Never looking, never slowing down, never leaving enough space

How could a cyclist cause a car to crash?

We have the right to use the roads too

JuliaM said...

"The reason the law has to change to protect the cyclist is that every accident *is* the motorists fault"

You know that phrase you just used, 'arrogant fools'?

It doesn't just apply to motorists. And anyone who makes a statement like '...every accident *is* the motorists fault...' can be safely ignored.

Constantly Furious said...

Ah, JuliaM, you beat me to it. Thanks.

And cycle-boy? If you have the 'right to use the roads' perhaps you don't need all the cycle paths my money is being squandered on. And perhaps you should join in and cough up some road tax too.

Off you go. The bulges in your spandex pants are making us feel ill.

Longrider said...

The reason the law has to change to protect the cyclist is that every accident *is* the motorists fault

Twenty four carat cockwaffle. This is so stupid, it almost fisks itself.

So next time a cyclist who jumps a red light without bothering to check for oncoming traffic, it isn't his fault if there is something coming that has priority? And what about those cyclists who think that they don't have to bother with lights, signals or just plain old fashioned rules of the road?


And I say this as someone who enjoys cycling.

Anonymous said...

"..And cycle-boy? If you have the 'right to use the roads' perhaps you don't need all the cycle paths my money is being squandered on...."

I completely agree; most cycle 'facilities are complete toss and more likely to cause an accident; research shows that cyclists fare best when they act like motorists. (which I do, fastidiously).

"..And perhaps you should join in and cough up some road tax too..."

It's not road tax you pillock, it's vehicle excise duty. And given that cycles are effectively zero emission, they are exempt. You could also buy a car that was exempt if you wanted. I bet you wouldn't whine so much then...

"..Off you go. The bulges in your spandex pants are making us feel ill..."

But they make your wife wet... ;)

Unknown said...

It may surprise you CF that the "political blogger of the year," the left of centre TotalPolitics #1, Tom Harris MP is on your side. Go figure eh. :¬)

Uwinsom Ulosum said...

Cycling England says... "How could a cyclist cause a car to crash?"

Oh dear CE, your brain cannot seem to stretch very far beyond your own bias, maybe your pervy spandex-wear is too tight (seriously, unless you are in the tour de france it makes no difference other than provide the wearer cheap thrills and everyone else feel sick).

Cue loads of cyclists-bumping-into-cars-seeking-recompense...

Uwinsom Ulosum said...

Tell you something funny though - in my younger years at uni, driving along in passenger seat with a mate.

Cyclist going same way, really really tight pervy spandex (I may even stretch to say it looked a bit rapey).

'Shall I smack his arse as we go by?'
'Yeah, do it!'

So opened window, drove past about 25mph... SLAP!
Well funny, sped off, looking in mirror the rapey perve went bananas shaking his fist.

Constantly Furious said...

"drove past about 25mph... SLAP!".

The Health 'n' Safety people have been in touch, and condemned this practice.

Let me just remind you, no-one should be tempted to try this on their own local roads.

Unless they really want to...


Don't Call Me Dave said...

When I were a lad, we ‘ad to take t’cycling proficiency test before our parents (who understood the concept of responsibility) would allow us to ride on the road.

We were taught to cycle on the left hand side of the road as close to the kerb as was safe. Today cyclists weave in and out from all sides and are a hazard and menace. Only last week I had to brake hard because a cyclist jumped the red lights at a crossroads at night time a good 10 seconds after the lights had changed. He had no lights on his bike and wore dark clothing. According to Cycling England above, any crash would have been my fault. I think not!

Captain Haddock is right - motorists have to have a driving licence and insurance. Why not a cycling licence also? Think of all the non jobs Gordon could create setting up a new cycling regulatory authority!

Anonymous said...

So Peter fuckin Sutcliffe should have on his arrest, challenged the Police to a game of Paper Scissors and stones, and walked away a free man if he had won ! Fucking idiots.

Anonymous said...

Cycling England said "How could a cyclist cause a car to crash?"

By cycling through Red fucking lights like the law dont apply to you cunts for starters !

David Gillies said...

It's pretty obvious: since you're going to be hanged as a sheep rather than a lamb, if you knock some dickhead like 'Cycling England' off his bike, make sure you back up over the cunt's head. Crunch! Might as well get your money's worth.

Von Spreuth said...

This should serve as a wrning to you all about this "Proportional representation" shite.

Here in Germany in Schröders Parliamemt, for example, the Green turds got ministerial power because Schröder needed their 10 or 15% of the vote so his party could dictate.

THIS meant that shitty little ideas like this here, could become law, just so the "ruling party" can stay in power.



Oh aye, and DROWN any bastard that even shows INTERST in a bloody push bike, shower of arseholes.

Anonymous said...

Uwinsom Ulosum
- latent issues perhaps?
Clearly the vast majority of cycle users pay road tax as they own cars also. That old shiboleth is nonsense. They also use the roads less as they are cycling, taking up less space and less wear and tear and giving out no toxic fumes. Clearly the country as a whole benefits by more people cycling.

John Hyde said...

The poster 'cycling england' is winding you lot up.

Now just calm down and think it through. Ordinary cyclists are not *all* asking for this new law. It's just a pressure group that only speaks for itself.

There is a lot of antagonism between motorists and cyclists - I see this from both sides. A lot of cyclists *are* wankers. And a lot of motorists are... also wankers.

I think the best safety initiative would in fact be measures to defuse this antagonism.