Advice for A-level students

Congratulations, A-level students. You've just - postal strikes allowing - received your results. Hopefully they were all you hoped for, or at least all you deserved.

Doubtless you're part of the school year that has achieved the best set of results since records began. The best grades ever. Of course you are: this happens every year.

If you are female, blonde and collected your results wearing a crop top, you'd better make sure your parents buy a copy of The Telegraph tomorrow - you'll be on the front page, grinning ecstatically, hugging your equally photogenic friends.

Bu when the euphoria fades, take a look at where you are.

You've just completed what until a few years ago was known as "further education". It used to only be a small percentage of students who - instead of leaving school at 16 - chose to stay on and study some more, taking their education to an Advanced Level. Advanced, see? Not Ordinary.

Now, of course, pretty much everyone goes on to do A-levels. The alternative is the tills at Tesco.

And soon, if Labour get their way, pretty much everyone will carry even further with their further education.

Tony Blair (you may have studied him in Media Studies - he's an actor who played Prime Minister on telly for a few years) decided that 50% of you should go to University. It's not really clear why, but the Labour party have continued to pursue this dream.

However, the same Labour party has also taken all the money your parents paid in tax for the last 12 years and pissed it up the wall. The pot is empty. You know, like when your allowance is all gone, but its only the 19th and there's no more til next month and your phone needs topping up. Like that, but for the whole country.

So, while they want everyone to go to university, there aren't actually enough places. The government wants you to go to university, but you'll have to fight really hard against your friends (and against a shitload of foreign students) to actually get a place.

And even the places there are aren't paid for by the government - there's no money, remember?

So, if you get a place, would you mind paying for it yourself? It's OK that you haven't got any money (why would you? You've been in 'further education'), you can borrow it, and pay it back if you ever do get a proper job.

Lets face it, you poor sods, you're in the wrong place at the wrong time. Education in the UK is fucked. Spectacularly, royally, comprehensively. (Bad choice of word, that last one.)

And you are the unfortunate victims, right in the middle of a badly designed, poorly built sausage machine.

CF's advice to you is as follows. You'll be able to vote in the next General election, if the unelected Prime Minister ever allows another.

As you walk to the polling station, spend some time thinking about how hard it was to get those A-levels, in poorly funded, under-equipped schools that have been plagued with endless change, pointless tinkering and 'new initiatives' every year.

Think of how pissed off you were when you found out that your AAB was not as good as you'd thought because every single person you know got the same. Because of the relentless pressure from this government to ensure that "all shall have prizes".

Remember how angry you were when Oxford turned you down, because your sixth form college was so popular it had to turn some kids away, and that makes it "Selective" and that means you get pushed down the list in favour of some kid from the school by the sink estate down the road.

Then think of which party, which ministers, spent the last 12 years creating this monstrous, complete, utter fucking mess. A mess you're stuck in the middle of for three more years. A mess you'll still be paying for when you're in your thirties.

Then vote.

.

20 comments:

Norton Folgate said...

Great post!

SaltedSlug said...

Bang on, CF. Good show.

Don't know what industry you're in, but in engineering it's becoming clear that we'd be far better off if they left school at 16 and we just started training them then.

ZNL have produced a 12 year education dead-zone, god help any school leavers who have to drag themsleves out of it.

patently said...

Very good.

Anonymous said...

Bang on!

It comes to something when you know you've just gone through the whole lot and found it a piece of piss, only to go for a proper job and them to re-direct you to a proper university and a proper course where you only just get through having never been particularly pushed before, only to find that there is a bill circa £30k to pick up and after all deductions you live in a squalid hole needing lots of expensive repairs whilst the drop outs opposite who have never worked have a modern house and have just had their kitchens replaced!!!

You're furious? I live on a constant knife edge of choking back bile and froth before i spew it.

JuliaM said...

But for whom?

As we've just seen (with his monstrous spouting in the 'Daily Fail' this morning), The Dave is not the answer either...

bil said...

Raised a smile.

Very stressful day. Daughter just missed her predicted and spent a worrying day.

Can't wait to see her best friend in the DT tomorrow. Blond, v. attractive and 4 As. LOL.

13th Spitfire said...

I conquer. Very good.

Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur said...

Excellent post - those fuckers at ZNL have not a clue about education.

I am in the fortunate position of being able to be afford to pay for private education (it's excellent by the way - discipline, acknowledgement and encouragement of academic achievement, high standards, encouragement of competitive sport, positive attitue towards drama and music) and avoid the shitshow that is state education in Inner London.

One thing some of the more Neanderthal ZNL people don't realise is that without privte education the middle class flight to the leafy suburbs would be a stampede.

The more I read about Labour's attitude to our better universities the more I suspect I will be doing the same for university - some of the US ones look very appealing.

In some way its surprising since a lot of the ZNL elite went to private or selective schools (think Harman, Blair, Darling, Charles Clarke, Jack Straw, Ruth Kelly, Tessa Jowell, Geoff Hoon, Ed Balls,) and Oxbridge (too many to mention)

Fuck the lot of them

dazmando said...

Right On, Right F'in Oh CF

Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur said...

Actually who'd want to be the headmaster of Nottingham High these days.

When asked who the most prominent old boys are his answer would have to be Geoff Hoon and Ed Balls.

I'd want a fee rebate for that sort of record

Barking Spider said...

Balls is very noticeable by his absence!
He obviously didn't want to have to spout the same old shit again this year knowing that,(a)it's utter balls and,(b)everyone else knows it's utter balls!

Anonymous said...

Lady Virginia the list of ZNL ex public school alumini is impressive and goes to prove that their Socialist "utopia" is not for them but for us ie the little people. The Aristocrat Harman represents this hypocricy perfectly

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