Brown's Blatant Bribery

Six months on, the expenses scandal refuses to lie down and die. And why should it? Those bloody MP's troughed for years and years. Finally they've been caught out, and their greed exposed for all to see. There's been deception, dishonesty and outright fucking fraud.

The thieving bastards have taken millions of pounds - of our money - and bought themselves houses, flats, televisions and all sorts of vulgar trinkets. They've even given some of our money to their spouses, to their children, to their sisters and in some cases, to their furiously masturbating husbands.

Right now, we couldn't think worse of MP's if they'd personally come round to our houses, stolen our tellies, kicked our dogs and shat in our teapots.

A few - far too few - have agreed to "step down", but as we all know, that just means carrying on with exactly the same pay 'n' perks until sometime in 2010. Not much of a fucking punishment, is it?

And now they've all been told to pay a small part of their ill-gotten gains back and, oh dear, they don't like that. They don't like that one tiny little bit.

Several have refused point blank to repay the money. Some are very angry at even being asked: Gordon Brown was actually - heaven forefend - heckled by his own MP's when they discussed this. Apparently Gordo is "desperate" to avoid further criticism from his own MP's.

It'd be nice if he was 'desperate' to end the recession, or reduce his governments' massive borrowings, or to end the war in Afghanistan, but no, he's desperate to avoid criticism.

So, what's the 'sol-you-shun', Gordon? What to do to mend the tarnished image of Parliament?

Here's Gordon's idea: Why not give the MP's a pay rise?

No, that's not some Armando Iannucci satire. Really. That is genuinely what the One-eyed son of the Manse thinks is the best thing to do right now.

He wants to give all backbench MP's - the ones who whinge the most, the ones over whom he has the least control - a lovely big pay rise. The figure being floated is 3,000 pounds per year, no less. Thats an increase of nearly 5%.

a 5% pay increase? That certainly pisses all over the recent average private sector pay increase, a paltry 1.5%. It's even, unbelievably, bigger than the outrageous average pay increase in the vast, bloated public sector, which was 3.4%

And who actually pays these rapidly-increasing salaries? Not Gordon, is it? No, it's us. The poor, beleagured, fucked-over taxpayer. These thieving fuckwits are supposed to be our servants, so we pay them for their woefully inadequate services.

And now, because they've been caught stealing from their masters' cashbox, because they've been fiddling the books, because they're getting sulky and stroppy at being caught out, and because some of them are saying nasty things about the head of the servants' quarters, we've got to give them an absolutely fucking massive salary increase? A bribe, to shut them up? For fucks' sake.

You.  Could.  Not.  Make.  This.  Shit.  Up.

++UPDATE++: great minds think alike: LFAT has written to Gordon on this very subject today.


Captain Haddock said...

I only wish to God that Brown was "desperate" enough to terminate himself .. and with constant pushing from the Blogosphere .. that might yet come to pass ..

Still .. on a brighter note, I'd like to wish all proud, loyal British people a very happy Trafalgar Day ..

subrosa said...

The ploy to use climate change as a diversion from MPs expenses isn't working. Shame. ;)

Dippyness. said...

Agree re: Gordon highjacking the Climate Change issue in order to divert attention. Bloody cynical disgrace...but so typical of Labour.

Anonymous said...

Just to cheer you up CF.....

I see the HoL is now saying there is no definition of main residence.

Therefore peers can claim what they like basically.

Hmmm, feels like the lovely Udders has just taken a dump in my bed!

Anonymous said...

Oh, just a thought........

As MPs seem to whine like f*** over the supposed "retrospective legislation", I'd like to suggest something.

The ones who are standing down get parachute payments (in excess of £100K for some I believe).

Why don't we change the law now to drastically reduce the payment, or to allow claw back of "expenses claims which are irresponsible"?

That way all the smug b*stards who won't pay back as they are standing down get reamed good and proper.

....and it cannot be deemed "retrospective" as it's for an event that happens in the future.


Jill said...

Why can they just not see that they've got to suck it up? Even the relatively blameless ones?

Mungle said...

Now that so much legislation comes from Brussels isn't a reduction of MPs salaries appropriate? Commensurate with their reduced responsibilities.

Anonymous said...

Or we could agree that £65k isn't a very attractive salary for a job with uncertain duration and a high level of stress and responsibility. MPs make laws. What do you think senior lawyers earn in London? Over 1,500 earn over £1m per year. Slaughter and May top partners were on £2.25m last year. So lets pay more and try to attract people who can string a sentence together and generate an original thought. But lets cut the total cost too. There are 646 MPs on £65k, Say £42m (before expenses). Lets have 200 MPs on £210k per year. Think that sounds like the wrong number of MPs? You could be right - if we had the same proportion of MPs to voters as they do Congressmen in the US we would have 134 MPs. But with 200 MPs there would more than enough for a representative of the Government to sit as a figurehead atop each of the departments of state and we could give up on the fiction that Ministers run the departments and leave it to the career civil servants who have been, by and large, not too bad at it. So lets pay MPs more and make smart people actually want the very few MP jobs on offer.

Jones the Steam

Anonymous said...

Im Fucking speechless with frustrated rage !!

David - Sgar Grove London said...

I'm feel sure that we could well manage with many less MP's and the figure of 200 sounds about right. Give them a decent wage and then hopefully they will work for us and not the other way round.

Why are any enquires about expenses only going back to 2004, these guys have been troughing for years, lets go back further and see what other shit rises to the top?

banned said...

Imagine all those people who have been dragged through the courts for repayment of minor Social Security fraud/overpayments, and their friends, and their relatives, and their mates down the pub. Vote for Labour ? not bloody likely.