A good day to bury bad Speakers

With MP's left, right and centre either weeping into their cheque books or stamping their expensively shod feet over the 'pay it back' instructions from Thomas Legg, and the entire world learning about a hitherto unknown oil company that dumped its toxic shit all over some poor Africans, the media and the blogosphere had a busy day yesterday.

One man will have been extremely grateful for the diversion.

Nobody was looking when Michael 'Gorbals Mick' Martin, completed his epic journey from sheet metai worker to member of the aristocracy yestrday, when he entered the House of Lords. Gorbals Mick no more - we're looking at Lord Martin of Springburn.

The man who presided over the expenses scandal that has destroyed the little remaining respect the nation had for its MP's. And who, rather than mending the system, tried to conceal it from the world, spending our money - over 20 grand of it - on endless legal battles to continue the cover-up.

A man who was not averse to sticking his fat Glaswegian snout into the trough himself, claiming 4 grand for taxi's for his wife, for fucks sake.

The man who, when information about the woeful and corrupt state of his expenses system was leaked, first responded not by apologising, but by calling in the police to find out who had leaked.

A man who, as Speaker, was supposed to keep affairs in the House under control and civilized, but in his final days stood there, puce in his fat bastard face, shouting abuse at MP's.

The man who was so utterly, pathetically fucking incompetent that he became the first speaker in over 300 years to be chucked out of the job.

Why is this egregious trough pig not languishing at some job centre in Glasgow, hoping that the metal works will have him back? Why does he get to walk away from his mess? Why has the fucker, instead of being sacked, been promoted?

Ironic - no, not ironic, massively fucking hypocritical - that a man who expressed such disdain for pomp and tradition should now be dressing up like an 17th century landowner, and enjoying being addressed as 'My Lord'.

And because of that, Gorbals Mick's lardy, Lordy arse is now sitting very comfortably indeed. His Speaker's pension will be paid to him already and if the fat stroke dodger lives to 65, his MP's pension will kick in and he'll be on a juicy £80,000 a year. 80 fucking grand. All from the pension pot we filled up for him and his like.

And, as a peer, he'll claim £174 for each night he spends in London. Nice.

Labour have talked for many, many years of reforming the Upper House; changing the way in which Lords 'n' Ladies are created; making the role more accessible. Looks like they've suceeded: if someone as incompetent, venal, dishonest and fundamentally fucking thick as Michael Martin can become a Lord, then surely anyone can.



Captain Haddock said...

I truly hope & pray that the fat, cheating, obnoxious bastard so enjoys his new position that he over-indulges to the point of having a long, slow and painful "Porterhouse Blue" ...

banned said...

'lord' Taking The Mick of Spongeburn should be the cunts title. The remaining Hereditaries would do themselves a favour by vacating the foetid swamp voluntarily, leaving the squishy troughmerchants to public glare and anger.

Chris said...

I'm irresistibly reminded of the "I say, they're letting all kinds of riff-raff in here nowadays" image macro.

We used to hang thieving Scots up here in the Borders. Troughing Laird Mick would be a nice revival of that old tradition.

A've metal-bashed, a've turnt blind eye,
A dinnae care whut yu sae.
A've tried tae hide the truth ae ma thefts,
An a've come tae get whut's due me.

-- from The Ballad of Gorbals Mick

Anonymous said...

Oh, please! Please let me get what's due to him ....

mungle said...

The disgrace that is now the HoL will surely bring about an irresistable demand for it to be reformed beyond recognition and be comprised of fit and proper people. There must surely be an end to this Buggin's turn business. What next? Jacqui Smith in the HoL? That should finish it off. BTW is Lord "Whet my appetite" Taylor still there?

Captain Haddock said...

Sadly Mungle .. that now appears to be the established pattern .. Cheat, Lie, Defraud & make a total fuck-up of your Government job .. and win a seat in the Lords ..

What a disgraceful country we've become ..

killemallletgodsortemout said...

Well said, Cap'n.

Disgraceful on so many levels.

john miller said...

Ahh, not a real Socialist then.

I remember old-fashioned Socialists, like Tony Banks, who spent his life being a chippy little union man, rising through the ranks of the Labour Party, as union men do.

He would rant and rail against the unelected Lords, sneering abuse at members of that House.

And when he was an embarrassment to the Commons (read the wiki entry!) and they wanted to ship him upstairs to the Lords he said: "I've been a good socialist all my life. I've hated the Lords and Ladies for all their privilges, their feelings of innate superiority over the common man and I will have nothing to do with them!"

Actually, I made the last bit up. This life-long commie couldn't wait to dig his claws into the ermine and died as Baron Stratford.

In Tone's case, God had a sense of humour and polished him off 6 months after his enoblement.

Better start praying, Mick...