What does the Student Loans Company do?

It is a truth universally acknowledged that everything this woeful, deceitful government touches turns immediately to shit.

Take the loans and grants for University Students, for instance. In Labour's ceaseless drive to tinker and interfere with everything, the processing of maintenance grants has been moved away from local authorities and - hurrah for Labour! - passed to yet another Quango, the Student Loans Company.

At the same time, the number of students has leapt upwards - by over 87,000 -  following the changes to the criteria by which a student can receive further education. Under the current governments, it is no longer necessary to gain 2 or 3 A-Levels to make it to the upper slopes of education in the UK. No. There are now simpler criteria: each prospective student must now be able to prepare and consume a Pop-Tart without suffering a personal injury (Or, of course, be in possession of a non-UK passport and wealthy parents).

So, a Quango stuffed to the rafters with inept management, in its first year of directly running the loans process, with a vastly increased number of students requiring loans. What could possibly go wrong?

Plenty. The BBC claims that delays to money from the SLC have left up to 175,000 students without financial assistance. Not just no beer money, no money. No rent, no bus tickets, no nothing. A bit tricky to fully participate in your 'Practical Haircare' or 'Ambulatory Studies' degree course if you've been sleeping on a park bench, isn't it?

But the deputy chief executive of the SLC, Derek Ross, is having noneof that. He reckons..

"We are only dealing with 50,000 .. Our staff are working extremely hard to make sure these students are paid .."

Your staff are working extremely hard? Oh dear. The poor things. Counseling all round then, when they've finished doing their fucking jobs. There's not many things you'd expect a company called 'The Student Loans Company' to do other than .. err .. give fucking loans to fucking students, is there? And you don't actually seem to have been able to manage that.

Then, in a classic piece of bullshit:

"The information we have is that everyone who applied on time has been paid on time"

Whenever any claim is prefaced with the words "The information we have is ..", you can just smell the stench of lies and bullshit, can't you?

The Higher Education Minister, David Lammy, has had a meeting with the SLC, apparently to

"..ensure the company understood the frustration the delays are causing."

Well, hoo-fucking-rah. Make sure you distance yourself and the government from the appalling mess you created, won't you?

Why don't you meet with some of us, Lammy-kins, so that we can - by means of verbal abuse and possibly even physical violence - ensure you understand our fucking frustration at the enormous damage you and your fuckwitted party have done to Higher Education?



Anonymous said...

"So, a Quango stuffed to the rafters with inept management, in its first year of operation......"

Err wasn't the SLC set up in 1990, a mere 19 years ago?

Its been incompetent for far longer than a year. Dont we remember the hoo-hah a litle while ago with reports that it has leant millions (of our money) to ec students with no details of where they lived when they went home and has therefore collected almost none of this money?

Von Spreuth. said...

"Student loan company" NEW?????

Now I MAY be mistaken, but that is VERY rare, however, for the last11 years I have been recieving threats from said company, to pay my loan back or else. The fact that I HAVE paid it back does not seem to impress the fucking twats one bit. In fact they were SOOO impressed at being CALLED "Fucking twats", they threatened to take me to court for that as well.

O.K I was at Edinburgh, and lived in West Lothian any way, so I came under the Scottish system. BUT I will repeat;

"Student loan company, NEW"????

Constantly Furious said...

Clumsy wording. Meant it was the first year of directly dealing with the grants. Per the Guardian:

"This year is the first time that freshers have applied directly to the Student Loans Company (SLC), which is responsible for administering student loans. Previously, first year students applied through their local authority, which sent their details to SLC."

Have reworded.

Thanks, sharp-eyed CF fans!!!

Von Spreuth. said...

"CF fan" is fuckin SPOT on you old bastard.

CHEERRS! Have a pint or two on me!

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Sack the lot, back to basics i.e. LEA handling. But that would be common sense, so probably won't happen.

At the very least, mass sackings should be on the agenda once the poor starving students have paid off their pimps and can afford to buy bread without having to suck cock. Thanks Gordon.

JuliaM said...

"Whenever any claim is prefaced with the words "The information we have is ..", you can just smell the stench of lies and bullshit, can't you?"

Yup! It's one of those giveaway phrases.

Along with: 'Our previous report/inspection showed...' and 'We are not aweare that a complaint has been filed...'

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Barking Spider said...

That "mastermind", David Lammy, having anything to do with higher education is a fucking joke in itself!

banned said...

Poorer students will be used to this already. While at 6th Form ( or College as we must now call it ) they will have experienced continual late payments of their EMA ( Education Maintenence Allowance ) which is supposed to arrive weekly but generally arrives weeks in arrears in blocks of 3 or 4 weeks' payments. This is a simple "you either get it or you don't" paymment at a set rate of £30 a week, how hard is it to fuck that up ?

Anonymous said...

I took out a loan with SLC in 1995 The government then sold my loan in a £1.03 billion portfolio to the appalling Honours Student Loans who were an absolute nightmare to deal with - worse than SLC.

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