Carnage and the Chocolate Factory

Well boo hoo. Poor little Cadbury has been swallowed up by the eeevil American purveyors of fake cheese, Kraft. Apparently, it's a 'tragedy'.

The plucky little British company, where chocolate is still handmade in cauldrons in cottages by kindly smiling grannies, has been completed devoured by the faceless corporation that uses robots to manufacture nasty confectionery in enormous factories on the moon.

Well, that's the somewhat tendentious conclusion the dead tree press would have us believe.

Gordon Brown, puffing and panting like the fat kid who nearly missed the bus because he couldn't leave the sweetie shop, arrives belatedly on the scene.

McDoom has 'warned' Kraft 'not to cut jobs' at Cadbury. For fuck's sake.

"We are determined that the levels of investment that take place in Cadbury in the United Kingdom are maintained and we are determined that, at a time when people are worried about their jobs, that jobs in Cadbury can be secure.”"

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you really believe, Gordy, that Kraft give a flying fuck what you think?

You're as utterly powerless here, Gordo, as you are in everything else.

And, of course, as the Evening Standard pointed out last night..

"..the sale of the company was in the end made inevitable by the Government's attitude towards such takeovers."

Well, yeah.

What happened to BAA? In spite of the 'B' standing for 'British', our major airports are in fact owned by a bunch of Spaniards. And shouldn't airports be just a tiny bit more important than Creme Eggs?

And what about 'our' water companies? And 'our' electricity companies? They provide services far more essential than consolation for fat birds, and yet they were snapped up by filthy foreigners with hardly a word from the Government.

So, The Lord High Mandelson can bleat about saving British jobs, but he knows deep in his flinty black heart that it's too late: the deal's done. Gordo knows it too. There's only showboating, now.

As soon as Kraft need to cut costs - and that'll be pretty fucking soon - some of those smiling grannies are going to be relieved of their cauldrons. And their income.

Still, at least Gordon can remind them that their misery "'started in America".

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JuliaM said...

"Still, at least Gordon can remind them that their misery "'started in America"."

Ouch! ;)

OldSlaughter said...

Agree with all of this accept for your views on the primacy of Creme Eggs. I suggest a rethink here.

Captain Haddock said...

Wouldn't it be a lovely, conciliatory gesture if those nice people at Kraft/Cadbury/Schweppes made McFuckwit a gift of lots of Cheese & Chocolate ?

Mixed with the medication he's supposedly not taking .. they might just have the effect of pushing the twat completely over the edge ..

Thus something good for Britain could emerge from something bad ..

Anonymous said...

What's the betting that some behind-close-doors deal has been struck to not make any redundancies until after the election?

See Rover for reference.

Thick brummies will vote Labour anyway. Again.

Jill said...

All those poor Victorian philanthropists must be turning over in their graves. I suppose it's marginally less fingernails-on-a-blackboard than Rowntree going to Nestle?!

That's News said...

As a Brummie, this resonates with me, especially. Everyone from Brum has a relation who worked at Bournville or knows someone who worked there. Except my dad, he worked at a rival chocolate firm in the heart of Brum!

Brown could lose Labour Birmingham and the greater Midlands over this. How sad.

I have set up a news ticker on my site to have live rolling news as it happens.

Cadbury workers doomed by Brown and Co. Thanks for nothing, Labour! Cadbury/Kraft News ticker added to site

That's News said...

Anon 10.52, Labour have already lost the city council to the Conservatives. One more push. And this might be that push.

subrosa said...

Nick Clegg had a go at Brown on this at PMQs but he got nowhere.

The sadness of Cadbury CF, is its history. It was founded by someone who had a real social conscience.

Where are people like that these days? Nowhere.

Unknown said...

And who's helping Kraft by part funding the takeover? You, the taxpayer or, should I say RBS (Royal Bank of Scotland.) I think that's what their called these days. It came out on PMQs.

Ray said...

Labour are happy for the Atomic Weapons Establishment to be 2/3rds owned by US companies. I doubt they are that worried by chocolate manufacturers if they don't mind UK nuclear warhead manufacture being in foreign hands.

Anonymous said...

I don't understand why people are upset. Cadbury's lost any right to moan when they floated years ago to make large bags of cash. That's the entire point. Anyone can come and buy shares in them. and they did.
If they want to remain philanthropic and British then don't float.

Simple really.

Ed P said...

I like chocolate, so I never buy Cadbury's shit. Swiss or Belgian stuff is great and doesn't have lots of (cheap and nasty) dairy/whale saturated fat replacing proper cocoa butter.
Try it - you'll not care about British sludge ever again!

Jill said...

Ed P: I can particularly recommend chilli and lime. Or nutmeg. Or paprika. Erm... or any, really.

buttons said...

Kraft will just close down their UK operation like they did with Terry's chocolate and move to Poland.
And I doubt if they will bother with the 'expensive' fair trade cocoa from Ghana that Cadburys used.

Anonymous said...

This Government oversaw the take over of our Energy Companies by amongst others The Russians, and they all have been mugging fuck out of us whist we were distracted due to us being fleeced by the Banks.
The Power Companies have got away with murder !

Captain Haddock said...

"And I doubt if they will bother with the 'expensive' fair trade cocoa from Ghana that Cadbury's used"...

And I don't doubt that, as a result in the drop in trade .. when Ghana comes around holding out the begging bowl, that if McFuckwit & Co are still in power .. they'll willingly fill it .. with our money ..

Shafted by Socialists twice .. yet again ..

John Demetriou said...

Is he powerless though?

Can't he use the tax system to remove incentives or make life hard for them if they don't play ball?

Joe Public said...

And Mr CF, as a British Taxpayer who owns a great chunk of RBS, did you realise that RBS would be lending Kraft £630 million for the takeover bid?

David said...

That's capitalism folks.

Cadbury's are not a plucky independent, they're a PLC. They floated to make sacks of cash for their directors. Someone wanted to buy those shares so they have done. That's how a PLC works.

The simple moral is that if you don't want your business pulled from under you, you don't float. Manchester United proved that.

Captain Haddock- they will use fairtrade chocolate if their customers demand it. But as people who think Cadbury's is a plucky independent are thick as fuck, I doubt they will.

Also, McCavity a Socialist? Since when? He's just as big a Tory tossbag as CallMeDave, he just talks with a retarded Fife accent.