A Very Big House, in the Country

Our soon-to-be-former Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, is off on his travels again. This time, he's taking a short break from saving the world, in order to save Northern Ireland. As the Guardian breathlessly reports, their little eyes shining with excitement:

"..the prime minister flew to Belfast tonight with his Irish counterpart, Brian Cowen, to try to rescue the power-sharing executive..

Brown is attempting to broker a deal between Sinn Féin and the Democratic Unionist party to devolve policing and criminal justice powers to Northern Ireland."

Oh wow. Is it a bird? Is it a 'plane? No, its a fucking showboating politician, with a million other more important things to do.

But as we all know, Gordon absolutely fucking loves this kind of thing. Never happier than when he's grabbing the controls, bossing everuone about, and striding manfully from meeting to pointless meeting, as far away from Westminster as possible.  If Blair hadn't nicked it already, in a similar context. Gordon would doubtless have solemnly informed us that he 'felt the hand of history' on his shoulder.

And, as we all also know, if there's one thing he loves more than that, in fact more than anything, it's bashing those eeevil Tories. McDoom considers a day in which he hasn't attacked or misrepresented the Conservative party as a day completely wasted.

So he must be abso-lewtly, as he would say, delighted at the chance to do both of his favourite things at once. A wank and a Mars Bar? Ohh, yes please.

So Gordo' has taken time out of his busy 'saving everything' schedule to let it be known that, in spite of his heroism, the peace process is in danger, because them Tories are .. err .. talking to Unionists

Hang on, Broon. Hang on a fucking minute. Did you forget that The Tories have already formed a pact with the Ulster Unionist party? Remember? They're going to put up joint candidates in Northern Ireland's parliamentary seats.

But no. Gordon has apparently told aides of his 'astonishment' at this. He believes:

"..the Conservatives are endangering the Northern Ireland peace process by adopting a pro-unionist stance in breach of the bipartisan approach which dates back nearly 20 years"

And that's not all.  The main part of the smear is yet to come. Oh yes.

According to Gordon and his spinmieisters, the worst of this tawdry episode is - and you might want to sit down here - these talks are taking place 'at an English Country Estate'. Oh no! Look everybody, the class war is on again.

What on earth could the Conservatives be doing on an 'English Country Estate'? Perhaps they're all drinking port from peasants' skulls. Perhaps later they'll hunt down a fox and beat it to death with copies of the Koran. Don't hold back Gordon: if you're going to smear, go large, mate.

What a lot of fucking bollocks. You lying fucking spin-doctors. You gullible, lazy fucking media.

Hatfield House may once have been a private 'Country Estate', but now it's just one of the hundreds Golf 'n' Corporate Hospitality venues that litter the landscape.

It's just an upmarket Holiday Inn. You can go and get married there, for fuck's sake, or go for a weekend in the spa with your Diary Secretary.

But why acknowledge that, McDoom, when you can re-re-re-ignite the class war, accusing those Tory toffs of lurking in a Country Estate, undermining all your heroic last ditch efforts?

Why, Gordon, can you not just ever get on with the job at hand. Bend your efforts toward solving the hundreds of enormous issues that face you (and us) and fucking forget about smearing the opposition. Just for five fucking minutes?

You useless bastard.

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]


Captain Haddock said...

What a tosser ... If St Jude is the patron saint of "lost" causes .. I wonder who's the patron saint of snipers ?

Ed P said...

The curse of Jonah will undoubtedly scupper the agreement.

John Pickworth said...

As I've said before; I'm so embarrassed by this fool of a PM that I tell people I'm French. Or Albanian. Yemeni even, anything but British.

Oh and don't forget, Gormless Brown will be saving Afghanistan later this week. I think? You know its so hard to tell which mission he's on at any one time... although we can be sure he's never saving the British way of life or our economy, so that's a relief at least.

Captain Haddock said...

The man is a complete loony ..

He couldn't "save" Green Shield Stamps .. and has more "missions" than the Sally Army ..

Don't Call Me Dave said...

It seems Broon has conveniently forgotten that the Conservative Party is actually “The Conservative and Unionist Party of Great Britain and Northern Ireland”

Dave H said...

Yesterday evening's Radio 4 news provided the following priceless quote:

"Chaos as Gordon Brown flies in..."

Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur said...

Just what Sinn Fein want - a Scottish Presbyterian flying in to help the situation. Might as well have a Rangers shirt and a flute.

The fact he's an utter twat doesn't help either.

Northampton Saint said...

Jonah can't touch anything with out fucking it up. The entire "peace" process is now gonna be screwed.

Anonymous said...

mу page ... payday loan online
Review my site ... payday loan online

Anonymous said...

Аlsο visit my site ... payday loan online
My blog payday loan online