Nanny comes on holiday too

Now is the time of year when those lucky enough to be able to afford it slip off to the slopes.

Yes, a few days up in the mountains, skiing, snowboarding and sledging can be a great antidote to the general shitiness of life in modern Britain.

An escape from the nannying and hectoring of the Righteous, and the chance to eat, drink and even smoke without receiving a lecture from Nanny about... but no, wait ...

It's no good, we are going to get a lecture after all.

According to some fucking infuriating survey we are drinking too much on our skiing holidays. Why ..

"As many as 45 per cent planned to drink every night during a winter sports' trip"

Well, duh. Of course we will. We're on fucking holiday, with family or friends, and we're likely to be eating in restaurants or in the hotel.

Why the fuck would we not have a fucking glass or two? Or a Jagartee on a cold morning? Or a Bombardino after a lunch up the mountain?

In fact, thinking about it, 45% seems suspiciously bloody low.

But not to those who would caution us, dictate to us and control us. Oh no.

A spokesman for insurance pimps MoreThan, who carried out the survey, bleated:

''The findings of the research are extremely concerning. Brits abroad have a reputation for drinking to excess but throw a high-speed downhill sport into the mix and you have a very nasty combination.

''Drink-driving is severely frowned upon and drink-skiing should be too. It can be just as dangerous.''

So, should we all ignore the offers of local wines, ice cold beers and exotic schnapps and just get a nice early night, stone cold sober?

Oh, do fuck off.


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Captain Haddock said...

If 'Elf'n Safety & the Nanny State had been around in their day .. I wonder what might have become of the likes of Sir Francis Drake, Lord Nelson, Richard Trevithick, The Watt brothers, Douglas Bader and the "Cockleshell Heroes" to name just a few ..

I bet they're all turning in their graves ..

Makes you want to puke .. Eh ?

Jill said...

Since the apres piste is the only thing that even remotely appeals to me about skiiing, I concur.

killemallletgodsortemout said...

I never thought I'd think this, but I wish someone would fuck nanny up the arse, with the rough end of a pineapple - before it's made illegal.

Captain Haddock said...

Hey Killemall ..

You probably need proof of age to buy a Pineapple these days .. after all, they do have those nasty sharp, pointy leaves at one end .. you could cut yourself on those, or poke your eye out .. or even leave it where a child might find it ..

Though I agree .. "Nanny" would probably benefit from an insertion ..

As for skiing .. did enough of that in "Norgieland" to last me a life-time, thanks very much .. Lol

mungle said...

Now C,mon CF, you know its for your own good.

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brickyscum said...

"drink driving is severly frowned on and drink skiing should be too" Fuck me I need a large one or two just to brave the traffic down here in the Pole populated south east ,To ride down a snow covered hill on a couple of planks I would need to be shitfaced

John Demetriou said...


Anonymous said...

Yes you are, Demetriou.