'That' Nick Griffin Question time transcript

So, Nick Griffin's dreams came true, and he got to appear on the real telly, with some real politicians.

And what a night it was. A glittering gallery of all the key figures, the big beasts, in British politics: MP Chris WhoHe of extremist minority party the "Lib Dems", Jack 'thought he'd retired?' Straw for Labour, Sayeeda WhoShe for Conservatives and Bonnie Greer, a random American writer, filling that vital role of black-person-sat-right-next-to-nasty-Nick-ha-ha.

Through his contacts with the BBC (you just press '1' on the remote), CF is able to bring you a full transcript of what was probably the most tedious controversial Question Time yet.

Dimbleby: "Good evening. I'd like to welcome our panel tonight. Well, all of them bar one, of course"
[audience laughs nervously]
Griffin: "I .."
[audience boos enthusiatically]
Dimblebore: "That's really quite enough from you, Mr Griffin"
[applause. Cries of 'quite right']
Dumbledore: "First, I must just apologise for the screaming and breaking glass you may be able to hear. I'm told that the UAF have peacefully stormed the building and are now peacefully smashing the place up".
Dumbledore: "..and so, to our first question. Gentleman with the cross face.."
Angry Asian: "Nick. Is it that you love Churchill and hate Muslims, innit?"
[wild applause, jeering]
Griffin: "I didn't ..."
Baroness Wassup [interrupting]: "Yes, you do, don't you, you do"
[prolonged applause]
Dumbledore: "Moving on now. I've got photos, Mr Griffin, of you standing near a man from the Klu Klux Klan. Does the very existence of these photo's not prove, beyond doubt, that you'd very much like to strap a black man to the front of your pickup and drive all round the bayou at high speed?"
Griffindor: "Well, I ..."
Bonnie Greer [interrupting]: "Don't you try to tell me about no KKK. I'm a 'merican."
[rapturous applause, cries of 'Right on', 'mmm hmmm']
Dumbledore: "I must just apologise for the smoke the audience may be able to smell. I'm told that the UAF have peacefully ripped open the filing cabinets, piled up all the scripts and books in the building, and set light to them".
Dimblebore: "..and now, for another question"
Lone non-nutter in audience: "Is it not possibly the case that some of our problems with immigration stem from Labour's policies in this area?"
[audience falls silent, confused]
Chris WhoHe: "What? Is it me? Sorry. What was the question?"
Jack Straw: "I'd like to answer that by reading out a long list of Labour's achievements, allowing the audience to refill their glasses and go to the toilet."
Baroness WhoShe: "Well that's not true is it, and ..."
Dimbleby [interrupting]: "I'm sorry, we'll have to move on. Mr Griffin is just sitting there, smiling, and no-one has booed him for nearly five minutes"
[applause, booing]
Dumbledore: "Moving on. Mr Griffin, I've got a puppy in this bag. Very cute. But it's a black puppy. Am I right in thinking that you, and members of your odious party, would like to kick it to death and then eat it?"
Griffin: "Well, that would be illegal and.."
Straw [interrupting]:: "As a member of the Government, and a Justice Minister, can I just say that I would be more than happy to change the law, right now, if I felt that it would make you look bad, Mr Griffin, or indeed make me look better."
[applause, shouts of 'go on Jack']
Dimmock: "..and so to another question. You sir, what would you like to ask the panel?"
Teenager: "Hey, Mr Griffin: instead of calling you Nick, I call you Dick"
[thunderous applause, teenager high-fived by all in the next row]
Dumbledore: "I must just apologise for the triumphant howling you may be able to hear. I'm told that the UAF have peacefully killed a BBC security guard, and are parading his head on a pole around the car park".
Dimbley:"..but now, time for one more question, and perhaps on a slightly different topic. You, sir.."
Angry black man: "Griffin, Why don't you fuck off to the Antarctic? it's all white there"
[hysterical laughter, applause, cries of 'yeah!']
Dimbleby: "Well, I'm afraid that's all we've got time for tonight. Some pretty impressive, incisive debate this evening, I think you'll agree. And to the audience, I would ask you to leave by the western exit, as the UAF have peacefully brought down a police helicopter in the eastern carpark, and are currently hacking the occupants to death with machetes. Goodnight!"
[applause, music, lights fade]

This exclusive poll taken immediately after the programme, shows the seismic affect on the political landscape:
  • BNP: 0% change
  • Labour: 0% change
  • Conservative: 0% change
  • Lib Dem.: 0% change
  • Questions on other matters: 0%
  • Police: 100 grand in overtime
  • The public: nagging sense of an evening wasted



Beware of Geeks bearing GIFs said...

Nicely put CF - great parody that sums up the show for the usual total bias and disappointment that it was.

Dungeekin said...

Is it me, or do the 'peaceful' UAF show a marked inability to see the irony inherent in their actions?


Captain Haddock said...

Firstly, I have to confess that not being a Television owner, I didn't actually see the programme .. and so aren't qualified to comment on it .. (but I have read various Press reports) ..

BTW .. Who the hell is Bonnie Greer ? .. Until now, I'd never heard of her ..

And why do we need an American (a country which has a less than glowing record on the treatment of its own black citizens) telling us how we should think ?

As for the UAF .. like ZanNuLieBore, the Beeb and all other Left-wing, Marxist-based organisations .. they only see what they want to see .. and the only voices we're permitted to hear are theirs ..

They wouldn't recognise irony if it bit them on the arse ..

Jill said...

It was um... as expected for a first go. Everyone just wanted to shout and show their anti-racist credentials - and of course it would have been much better just to have a series of questions on the issues of the day: postal strike, Afghanistan, recession etc, and let him have his say. Instead, we got an edition of Jeremy Kyle rather than an edition of QT.

Now that's over and done with and everyone's got it out of their system, we should have him on a few more times in slightly more settled atmosphere. The stupid thing, of course, is that we won't.

Jill said...

Captain: Bonnie Greer is a QT regular and she's quite often on Newsnight Review. She's a protege of David Mamet. She genuinely is well-qualified to be their non-aligned panellee, as it were.

woman on a raft said...


Captain Haddock said...

Hi Jill ..

Thanks for that info ..

As I said, not being a Telly owner I'd never heard of her .. Still, she's hardly arguing from a point on the moral high ground .. given her own country's history .. is she ?

Jill said...

Um... I think she's lived here since the year dot, rather than being the Yank on the panel cos the Brits have all joined the UAF and had forty fits and died quiet at the thought of being on QT with Nick Griffin - but don't quote me on that cos I don't actually know. She's the British Museum trustee, so one imagines she's been resident for donks.

She's a leftie, feminist, black issues playwright, so you'd LOVE her!

mungle said...

It was a disgrace to broadcasting. Dimblebore desperate to establish his PC cred. interupting every time Griffin tried to speak. Partisan (what else would you get in London now) audience. As a previous poster said it would have been interesting to have a discussion on the issues of the day including Afghanistan. As expected any issues relating to why the BNP have gained support completely ignored.

SaltedSlug said...

Holy God CF, that was excellent. Bravo.

Anonymous said...

The BBC did Nick Griffin a favour. The carefully selected audience with the offspring of Third World immigrants who feigned outrage, plus the UAF Marxist lynch mob outside the BBC studios who injured three police officers, only revealed the politically correct bigotry of the Left. Griffin was set up from the beginning, which will only result in an increase in BNP membership coupled with the determination of ordinary white Britons - sick of being treated like second class citizens in their own country - to vote for them in greater numbers. Well done BBC!

Bill Gibbons
Calgary, Alberta, Canada

JuliaM said...

Brilliant! :)

English Viking said...

It would have been a lot more interesting if it had been held in Bradford or Stoke and if the programme had taken it's usual format of 1 question and 4 or 5 answers, instead of 4 (5 if you count the PC muppet Dimbleby) people all basically ganging up on Griffin while encouraging the audience to do the same. If he is such a nob, let him speak and prove himself one, let him put forward his policies, let public assess them and accept or reject. It's called democracy.

Captain Haddock said...

As you say Jill .. She scores a tick in every box ..

She's also a liar .. she claims in this link ...


to have spent all evening with her back turned towards Griffin .. but the last photo proves that not to be the case .. unless of course, she was employing left wing, Feminist journalistic licence ..

Jill said...



Can't this idiot see that the very pressure he put on, which caused the BBC to skew the programme so badly even fools could see it, is the very bloodyshitfuckpisswanking thing that increases the support?

Oh, sigh.

Jill said...

Captain: to be fair, unless she was directly addressing him, Greer had her back to Nick Griffin for just about the whole show. Jack Straw stared straight ahead in a most peculiar way. Chris Huhne stared at Griffin allllllllll the time, I think in an attempt to look aggressive. Warsi actually looked vaguely normal and as though she was pointing herself in the appropriate direction to the conversation at any specific moment.

Captain Haddock said...

Hi Jill ..

As previously said .. I didn't see the programme so if that's what she did, then fair enough ..

I personally don't actually like Griffin & I don't vote BNP .. but having read a post from a Lady on another Blog who said .. "The only thing which I came away with from watching the programme, was the feeling that I, as a White, English person don't exist" .. That rang a chord with me ..

I think the Beeb & Labour have shot themselves in both feet here .. One, in "setting him up" thus making him the underdog .. Two, in the Government's wholly negligent attitude to Illegal Immigration .. And Three, in the Government's dogged refusal to address that problem & vilifying & demonising anyone who had the temerity to raise the matter as a Racist ..

Jill said...

Hi Captain

I tend to think govt immigration policy is a peculiar mix of incompetence and schizophrenic reactions to BOTH sides of the debate. Hence we have bazillions of people slipping under the radar and becoming part of a black economy which is not good (particularly for the kind of people who are turning to the BNP), but equally huge numbers of people being treated in inhumane and draconian ways that don't fit AT ALL with the notion of Britain as a decent nation of decent citizens.

The whole thing is a mess.

Having said that, vis a vis the BNP, I think immigration is probably a red herring. NuLab has let its core vote down and that core vote has had the distinct suspicion it's been shafted for some considerable time. The bankers/credit crunch and MPs expenses have solidified that feeling and it's very easy for the BNP to hang the blame on immigration.

Personally, I think it's all down to unfettered (and unchallenged by any of our three major parties) neo liberal economics.

CF: You will be glad to know that I am going away for a couple of days, so you'll get a respite from my hogging of your comments!

Captain Haddock said...

Hi again Jill ..

I think this article tends to disprove that Labour's immigration policy is merely incompetence ..


If this is true .. then the policy is totally wrong & should be thoroughly investigated & dealt with quickly ..

That people elsewhere in the World are being treated in inhuman & draconian ways is regrettable .. but its not Britain's place to seek to put all that right by simply allowing anyone & everyone to reside in UK .. The old adage about squeezing a quart into a pint pot springs to mind ..

Whilst we have pensioners (like my 82 yr old Mum) who has Acute Angina, Chronic Arthritis, Diverticulitis & Cataracts in both eyes is being told that because she is in receipt of my late Father's occupational pension she "earns" more than the Government limit & is therefore refused a Home Help .. We ought not to be opening our doors to anyone who wants to come here simply for "a better life" .. and particularly those who once here, seek to bring with them all that they left behind in their home countries .. (If they were so brilliant why ever did they want to leave)? .. and who expect us to alter our historical & traditional ways to accommodate them ..

Immigrants (from any country) should have to pay into the "system" by way of Tax & National Insurance for at least 5 years before being eligible to claim any kind of Benefit or Service ..

Jill said...

Sorry Captain, I have to go! I understand your concerns and do share of them. However, by treating people in inhumane ways, I was referring to the terrible detention centres here in the UK - not that it's the UK's responsibility to accept all refugees regardless of numbers. Sorry, I wasn't clear.

Anonymous said...

Jill what is so terrible about these "detention" Centres ? If you were a genuine asylum seeker having to flee your country through fear of torture, rape or Death Im sure sanctuary in one of these centres would not be a bad thing, particularly when you fled through numerous safe countries to get here.

Captain Haddock said...

I'm afraid I have no sympathy whatsoever for those held in Immigration Detention Centres .. in fact, the harsher they are .. the better ..

Those Detainees ought not to have tried to enter UK illegally .. If you can't do your time .. Don't do the crime .. simple object lesson ..

And if those sentiments make me a "Racist" .. that's fine by me, I can live with that label ..

Have a nice holiday ..

Sam said...

Captain Haddock - your comments wouldn't make you a racist in themselves - but they would make you wrong I think.
If we're talking about 'Asylum Seekers' then they haven't done a crime - by the laws of our country - and therefore shouldn't have to do the time. Or am I missing something?
And the previous anyonomous poster - what?!!? So basically since they have had inhumane treatment in once place, they should be grateful for marginally less inhumance treatment in another country?

Captain Haddock said...

Hi Sam ..

As the previous poster mentioned, most Asylum Seekers have already crossed several other countries to get to UK .. Why ?

If all they seek is "Asylum" then surely the first country in which they arrive solves their problem ..

Why do they all head for UK like Bloodhounds on a scent ?

Why should this country alone, from the whole of Europe provide "Asylum" for these people ?

We're a tiny island nation, our resources are stretched to the limit .. we can't (or won't) even provide for our own population .. (as per my earlier example concerning my elderly Mother) ..

Sorry, but whilst there is one single British person, who has worked & paid into the system for all their working lives, remains in need of anything .. then there can be no justification for playing at being bountiful with the world's waifs & strays ..

S. Weasel said...

That's the most accurate transcript I've seen so far. I also am a 'merican and I hoped I had endured the last of Bonnie Greer's kind when I emigrated.

You want to know what the polite face of racism looks like? It looks like a whole QT panel nodding sagely at a black woman talking the most pathetic rubbish.

Anonymous said...

Whites are being ethnically cleansed from all Black Africa, so why the heck do we have to take this nonsense from Blacks in the UK, many of who are engaged in criminal activities, as well as reliant on Benefits.

Captain Haddock said...

Hi DP111 ..

The short answer is because we're the biggest mugs in the Western Hemisphere & these sponging criminals know it ..

Whilst the overwhelming majority of our MP's & Peers are ripping the arse out of the Taxpayer .. they reckon they might as well "give it a run" too ..

joe said...

The best moment of the whole show was Jack Straw looking like he'd been slapped around the face with a wet haddock when the well dressed articulate black man tore in to him about labours failure to properly control immigration. Of course they quickly moved on from him and he didn't get another airing (obviously too off message - we're here to be nasty to the BNP don't you know!).

sammich said...

You white boy bloggers are very brave when you hide behind your pretend identities. Why dont you say it to my face "constantly fuirious"? Because you would'nt dare. You are as bad as Griffen.

Michelle Harrington said...

yep,thas some funny shit I dun't care who ya're...

Anonymous said...

poorly-written satire, where would we be without thee?

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