Brown on Bankers - that's rich

We still await, with barely-concealed irritation and boredom, the collection of lies and soon-to-be-broken promises that will make up the Labour Manifesto.

While we wait, Gordon Brown is dropping some clunking hints as to the sort of things that'll be in it, including yet another little politics-of-envy dig at those eevil bankers.

Speaking at the Royal Institution, Gordo' shared his views with a grateful nation:

“This year we have seen a welcome reduction in the proportion of revenues global investment banks have paid out in bonuses."

Welcome? Why the fuck is it welcome? Why is paying anybody less money 'welcome', unless you're a spiteful, envious little Socialist? Oh that'll be it.

Broon continued:

"..we need to ensure that this is a structural change not a one-off response to public pressure"

Yeah? When have you and you woeful fucking party ever done anything other than one-off, short-term reactions to public opinion?

What was the last stupid 'Bonus tax' for? Was that a 'structural change'? Of course it fucking well wasn't, it was a 'one off response' to the indignation you'd whipped up yourselves for political advantage.

So what will you do now Gordon?

"So I can say that in our manifesto our Financial Services Authority will be given powers to quash those contracts which incentivise reckless risk-taking and instability.”

Oh Gordon, you fucking moron, we've been through this before haven't we? Most bankers - or most of those CF has known and worked with - do not have their bonus details written in their contracts.

Surely you know that? Surely one of your thousands of advisers that we pay for has told you that? Surely someone at the FSA could tell you that? Actually probably not - they're usually the last to know what's going on.

But if you spoke to anyone who did know - and of course, listened to them - you'd know that there is no contract to 'quash', no deal for you to force banks to renege on, no agreement for you to override.

Well of course you know, Gordo. You know damn well.  But you also know that the majority of the great British public doesn't know or care how bankers bonuses work.

So all this is, McBroon, is yet another piece of tedious, unworkable, bash-the-banker bullshit. A sop to the idiots like Billy Bragg, bringing about a socialist Utopia from the study in his mansion. Another attempt to appeal to your core vote, all the other spiteful and envious socialists.

As his medication began to wear off, Brown lost his place in his notes and lapsed into pure gibberish:

“Markets are built on values that they cannot themselves generate.”

Huh? What? Nope, sorry, Gordon, that makes no sense whatsoever. Like most of what you say, really.

But he then rallied, and managed to trot out his soundbite:

“Markets do need morals"

No they fucking don't. They, like the rest us, need something else, Gordon.

You to fuck off.



Uncle Marvo said...

“Markets are built on values that they cannot themselves generate.”

That's a blinder.

If I was running for power, which I never will because I'm not the slightest bit interested, and because I've got serious form and am nearly always pissed by four in the afternoon (oh all right, three, then), I think I might have produced some sort of manifesto before I called a general election.

But there you go.

Bucko said...

If you cant promise to pay the socialist bastards more then promise to take more pay from the rich (and successfull).
Its the next best thing

Captain Haddock said...

Its not just "Markets" who need morals ..

Politicians of all stripes could use a healthy injection of them too .. then perhaps, but only perhaps people might begin to listen to what they have to say ..

Until then its all just a lot of blather ..

JuliaM said...

Great post, until the last line.

I was thinking 'die' myself!

Anonymous said...

Its the profits of the banks that are the problem. They are a cartel, a largely state-owned cartel now with no pressure on the prices they charge for lending or other services. So value is transferred from consumers (who would otherwise spend more) and corporates (which would otherwise invest more).

2Mac said...

Fuckwitt Brown and his Muppet Darling and that swivel eyed shirt lifter Lord Fondle Bottom have some cheek complaining about the banks.

They are the Major Shareholders in the fucking banks.