Showboating with real boats

What a hero! Once again, Gordon Brown saves the world. Well, that small part of the world's population who don't know how to hire a car or book a ferry.

After a meeting of the emergency planning committee Cobra, the Prime Minister once again strode onto the stage, and announced to a grateful nation that he was doing everything he could to help hard-working-but-vacationing families.

Yes, HMS Ark Royal and HMS Ocean, presumably that last 2 boats left in our dramatically depleted Navy, will be used to bring home those poor people, suffering the unbearable, intolerable agonies of missing a couple of days work / school / signing on whilst stuck overseas.

Said Broon, holding up his chin and gazing heroically to the far horizon:

"I expect Ocean to be in the Channel today. I expect the Ark Royal to be moving towards the Channel later.”

You 'expect' do you Gordon?. Oh, those spin doctors: the devious bastards never miss a trick, do they? When talking about marine matters, chuck in the word 'expect'; use it repeatedly: it evokes memories of our glorious maritime history, and that other one-eyed hero, Nelson.  'Gordon expects that every man will do his duty'. Huzzah!

Never mind that these dirty great boats consume fuel like Prescott swilling champagne, and that we're paying for the petrol, eh? The important thing is the gesture. Once again, the great Gordo' saves us. He'll start claiming shortly that the Tories 'would have done nothing'.

But hang on, what's this? A dissenting voice? Tim Fish, maritime analyst at Jane’s Information Group, questioned the great Gordo's wisdom, saying:

“They are very large platforms .. it does sound odd to use them as ferries. They are not comfortable by any means. They are not ferries, so they will take longer to load and unload in port"

Well, perhaps he's just being pessimistic. Who cares about discomfort and delay when this is the only way to ... wait, what's this? Chris Jones, spokesman for Brittany Ferries, chimes in:

“We have plenty of spaces on routes between France and the UK"

Oh. Ah. No need to send an enormous warship then? Apparently not.

So, there it is: an empty, grandstanding, look-at-me gesture from Gordon, that will cost us an enormous amount of money, and is not actually, when you look at the details, even fucking necessary.

Yet again.



Man with Many Chins said...

Its a load of bollocks, just so the one eyed idiot can be seen to be doing something.

Uncle Marvo said...

This isn't a fucking car ferry, this is The British Navy. The ship will be there exactly when the Captain says it will be.

Barring nothing.

And despite Gordon Brown.

JuliaM said...

Aren't they disrupting the Navy's scheduled training, just so this useless has-been can grandstand?

God, it's no wonder the military votes anyone other than Labour en mass...

Uncle Marvo said...


No. The Navy is there to deploy anywhere in the world as needed. This is as good an exercies as any, I guess.

I don't think anyone is stupid enough to believe that Gordon has anything to do with the success or otherwise of the "rescue". FFS, he can't even drive. Doubt if he knows which way is starboard.

Uncle Marvo said...


Furor Teutonicus said...

So. They can afford to "send the gun boats" to pick up a couple of whining cunts stuck in a holiday paradise, but they can not afford to send the much needed helicopters which these ships are FULL of to a fucking WAR ZONE!!??

Fucking one eyed zombie twat.

subrosa said...

Oh CF, don't get me going on this. Marvo says it all. This is the Navy not P & O Ferries.

Mind you, it could well waken the British public up how much our military tolerate when moving around.

I'm disgusted with this. There are still ferries, trains, buses, cars. If folk got off their fat backsides and used some of the materials between their ears, they could get home.

Uncle Marvo said...

I bet you can smoke on the ship, too. But they probably won't tolerate the pissed-up foot passenger scum like P&O do. I'd like to be there, with a video camera.

Dippyness. said...

Do people know you can hire a fishing boat? Or get a berth on a merchant vessel? Have these people no intelligence?
Get to a port & there's loads of merchant ships heading for UK! Simple!!

I am Stan said...

Yo! Redman,

Aha but he`s only expecting!...nothing definite.

So when it all goes tits up he`s got an out!.

Anonymous said...

England expects that you will be relieved of your duties on 7th May.

Furor Teutonicus said...

Preferably in strict "mussolinni manner".

Anonymous said...

Gordon the Twat is one of the few people in this world that make me angry and sick instantly on seeing and hearing him.
I never had this feeling before, it started to happen around 1997.
Also, Fondlebum, Harperson, Ginger Dwarf, Badger....
The list grows daily.