Down in one?

With all the excitment around the news that Gordon Brown is finally going to drag his sorry, clunking, worthless arse up to the Palace, and ask the Queen to put us all out of his misery, it's a good day to slip out bad news.

And sure enough, today's the day that lots of new legislation oozes into force. Today's the day that our naughty, naughty drinking is curbed even more by bossy Nanny State. Oh yes.

Today we get a 'mandatory drinking code', where..

"..irresponsible promotions including "all you can drink for £10” deals, including women drink free deals and speed drinking competitions will be banned"

Banned? What?

And a little legislation is never enough for the Righteous. No, they always want more laws, more precise laws. And so..

".. other deals that are made unlawful are "dentists’ chairs” where drink is poured directly into the mouths of customers"

So now there's a specific ban on a specific drinking game. Sweet Jesus.

Where do you draw the line? Oh that's right, Nanny never does draw the line. She just keeps pushing, pushing, pushing, never stopping, like some sort of grotesque Terminator, come from the 1970's, programmed to kill off all of our rights.

So there's yet more. Landlords must also ensure that..

"..small measures of beer, wine and spirits are on offer to customers, so they have the choice to drink less."

Yeah. We could give them names too, these brand new small drinks, couldn't we? We could call them a 'half' of beer, a 'small glass' of wine and a 'single' of spirits, couldn't we? You cocks.

Bear in mind that the Government that has just introduced this fuckwitted new legislation is exactly the fucking same government that decided it would be a great idea to let pubs open 24 hours a day. What for? So we could all get a cup of fucking tea at 3:30am? That's about all we'll be able to buy in bars soon, isn't it?

Just. Fuck. Right. Off.

Naturally, the whole things been ballsed up, right from the start:

".. there was confusion last night over how the new ban will be enforced after it emerged that the Home Office has failed to send out any guidelines to trading standards officers at councils who will have to enforce the ban."

Dear God. These arsewipes can't even run a draconian authoritarian state properly, in spite of practising for the last 13 years.

But, while the guidelines have apparently been eaten by the Home Office's dog, the punishments, the threats, the coercion that will be applied, is all too clear:

"Bar and club owners who fail to comply with the new code risk losing their licence, a fine of up to £20,000 and six months in prison under the new code."

Yeah. You hear that? 'Fail to comply' and you're going to prison, bitches. Let some blokes kick off a 'Boat Race', or break out the Yard of Ale, and you're going down.

Oh for fuck's sake. Who will rid us of the fucking Righteous?

Pass the fucking Tequila, would you?



Uncle Marvo said...

Oh, I've missed you, CF.

You make my rants sound like my Nan complaining that the tea's not hot enough.

But you are, of course, bang on, as usual.

carbchick said...

I hate them so much it hurts.

Uncle Marvo said...


I even hate the pets of the children of those who vote for them, so I know where you're coming from.

Never in the history of anything have I experienced anything like the situation in which anyone could vote for anything like this lot. I expect it was the same when Hitler was around.

Captain Haddock said...

And this shower of incompetent nincompoops are supposed to represent "joined-up" government ..

Yeah .. Right .. A class of Five year olds could do better, at less cost too ..

Anonymous said...

In another time these are the same cunts who would have been burning slighty batty old women and folks who were different as witches.

John Pickworth said...

Can't comment.

My gob is too smacked!

Jill said...

Well? Was the play any good?

Talking to the owner of our village shop, she's just had a 'warning ticket' over serving alcohol to an 16-year-old. She's livid. She's ticked all the staff training boxes. The staff do ask people. Because it's a small village and everyone knows everyone, she liaises with the local PCSO when local kids do try to buy drink, or if she suspects naughty adults are buying alcohol for the naughty kids. She thinks she's gone quite far enough.

How galling, then, to be caught out by a sting operation, in which the inspectors choose a non-local teenager to use for checks specifically because they LOOK in their mid-20s.

Apparently, even the police find it ludicrous. The only reason she wasn't prosecuted but given a warning was because they vouched for her usual due diligence.

Jesus Christ.

Anonymous said...

Just watched a live PTC with Huw Edwards, Charles Clarke and Ming Campbell from the lawn outside the HoC. Talking about the election of course. General consensus was that the Tories (eeevil Tories!) are far too inexperienced to govern properly. A more biased BBC love-in I have yet to see. What - couldn't find a Conservative spokeman for that piece, eh?

caesars wife said...

mmm tricky one for CW as I rarely drink alcohol these days , however in my lively days , i can claim to drinking most under the table and having boat races and at one event , an amubulance being cancelled as I was out cold for 10 mins (fell off table), but woke up and joined can can dance .

however this is crap legislation , unenforcable and will only send problem underground or make it cool . One of the main regulators of dangerous drinking was getting in a tangle in the pub and getting thrown out , by landlord who didnt like foul mouthed or arse like behaviour and agression . Under labour theyve closed the pubs perverted pub culture and made supermarket pre drinks as cheap as fresh air .

I think they have socially engineered it , so that you dont have any personal comfort of enjoying a nice drink , bit like 1984 , plus pubs have loads of historic names which have nothing to do with europe fraud , so they dont want you going to "ye olde churwarden" they want you to go to Eu themed ones , with mind bending eurovison media and drinks .

When you look at it what other reason is there for making booze so cheap other than to make you not be bothered and cynical about your country is run .

SMIRSCH couldnt have done a better job .

Anonymous said...

Perhaps a suggestion? My friends & I can't be arsed going to pubs only to be supervised & controlled like small children while actually contributing to McSnot's tax fund. So we visit each other's houses, armed with our own spirits, beers, fags, whatever & have a merry old time. The fact that most of the booze has actually been bought abroad or home brewed, thereby avoiding any further contributions to McSnot's tax fund, only makes it all the sweeter.