Gordon's goodbye

Either by luck or by judicious application of pressure, Gordon Brown got the very last word in last night's debate. That's a good slot to have - it's much easier to make contentious points when there's no chance of anyone replying or denying.

And this was Brown's last chance to address such a large audience - mill-yuns of people. After this, it's back to hand-picked groups of activists, and stage managed press conferences.

So let's have a little look at what Gordon did, for his grand finale, shall we?

"I want to thank everybody who's been involved in these debates over the last few weeks. They show that there are big causes we can fight for. They also show that big differences exist between the parties"

Big? That'd be nice. But the main difference that we care about is that two of the parties are not Labour, and two of the parties are not led by a half-mad socialist with no popular mandate.

"But I've had the duty of telling you this evening that while we have policies for the future, the Conservatives would put the recovery immediately at risk with an emergency budget"

What? An emergency budget would put the recovery at risk? Should we all not look at our bank statements, in case we discover we've run up an enormous overdraft, you fuckwit?

Any new government is going to need a fresh budget, when it discovers the godawful fucking mess you've been trying to hide from us. And guess what? With you out of the way, Gordo, it'll be the first non-political budget, the first budget that's about finance rather than damaging the oppostion, that we've had for 13 years. Bring it on.

"David has not been able to confirm, but it is the case that inheritance tax cuts will go to the richest people in the country"

Oh please. Five fucking times you mentioned this in the debate. And endless times over recent weeks. No-one cares. If that's the only consistent line of attack you have - and it is - you're pretty much fucked.

"I believe he's planning to cut the Schools Budget .. I believe also that child tax credits would be cut by both parties if they came into a coalition"

Has anyone spotted a Labour policy yet? Anyone? No? This is literally your last chance, McBroon, to tell us what you would do, what your policies are. Surely you 'believe' more than these distortions and lies about your oppositions' plans?

"I believe too that policing would be at risk from a Conservative government.." 

Oh fuck off with 'I believe'; did your spinners tell you that if you used that phrase, you we allowed to follow it with a lie? I believe the sky is pink. I believe Gordon Brown is wearing a nappy. For fucks sake, credit us with some intelligence.

"And the health service guarantees that we have that gives every cancer patient the right to see a specialist within two weeks would be scrapped by the Conservative Government if they came into power"

Come on, Gordy, don't hold back. Look into the camera, and tell us that if we don't vote Labour, we're all going to die of cancer. Go on boy: really terrify us; scare the vulnerable into liking you. Frighten up some Labour votes, eh?

"I don't like having to do this, but I have to tell you.."

You don't like it? Bollocks - you fucking love it. It's what you do best - in fact, it's pretty much the only thing you do. Attacking opponents, smashing them aside, abusing and traducing them, whether they're an opposition party or an old lady: it's what you like better than anything, isn't it?

"..that things are too important to be left to risky policies under these two people. They are not ready for government, because they have not thought through their policies"

Ah, 'policies'. Now there's a difference between the parties: they've just described their policies, you've just wasted you whole final summing up with attacks on their policies. You idiot. What about your policies? Do you have any?

"We are desperate to get this country through the recession and into the recovery"

No you're not, you're 'desperate' to stay in power, come what may. To you, 'the recovery' is just an abstract point on a list - another way to save the world - something that could scrape together a couple more votes.

"..and that is what I intend to continue to do. But it's up to the people to decide, and it's your decision"

Yeah, Gordo it is. And it's a decision you should have given us a long, long time ago. You have clung to power for as long as you possibly could, and now you and your band of imbeciles can't cling on any longer

Goodbye, Gordon. With a bit of luck, that's the last we'll ever hear from you.

Thanks for nothing.



JoeN said...

Not a word out of place...terrific post.

Dioclese said...

Good piece CF. Says what we all feel - well those of us that have brains anyway. Next Thursday's Labour voters are so blinkered they'll believe anything.

Perhaps we should have a new slogan - "Vote Labour and get a free place in the nut house"

Deenzy said...


Private Widdle said...

Fucking brilliant mate.

They're fucked and they know. Bad Al said so when he was leaving.

Anonymous said...

Ha spot on CF, I thought that was a bizarre thing to say as well a bit like saying that Lifesaving "Emergency Surgery" would put the patient at risk.

Jill said...

He was absolutely dreadful, wasn't he? Clegg was weaker than he has been. iDave was shifty. But Gordon was by far the worst.

Having said that, I don't know what the fuck we SHOULD do, but Ireland's hardly a good omen for the kind of budget iDave's planning, is it? Massive cutbacks have made things even worse there. You can vote for "balancing the books" all you like, but it won't help matters.

It's Armageddon. We are royally fucked, but I can't see iDave making anything better at all. Not that I can see any of them making anything better.

Anonymous said...

Lol with The "I believe" nonsense. I once heard a lawyer tear a strip off a witness in court who was constantly begining every answer they gave with "I believe". To which the Lawyer replied I am not asking you for a confession of Faith just answer the question and give us the facts !

Antisthenes said...

Government is not the place to be after this election it is going to be all bad news and the public are going to have their testicles squeezed until they turn into raisins. The voter is not going to like it one bit and the party that is in government will never be in government again. Let Broon stay as PM let him squirm and and suffer let him take the consequences it was him after all that got the country in the mess.

Catosays said...

Excellent post CF. Nails the bastard to the floor.

Anonymous said...

Excellent as always CF. Thanks!


Dooby said...


"You can vote for "balancing the books" all you like, but it won't help matters."

Of course it fckin will you stupid bint.

David said...


If by 'balancing the books' you mean 'sacking all the civil servants' it will make things quite a lot worse. Ireland's been an excellent example of that. iDave seems to be implying that 'efficiency savings' (that's 'sacking the cheap staff and leaving Sir Humphrey on his massive salary' to you and me) will solve everything.

All it will do is sink the economy even further- all those people will stop spending and be on the dole instead.

As for the actual election, personally I agree with King's assessment. Whoever wins this election will be unelectable for a generation because of the scale of the cuts and the size of the tax increases they will have to make. I think that's why Labour are trying their hardest to lose.

Jill said...

re: David's comment

My point precisely. Six months ago, Ireland were being lauded for doing precisely what iDave is presumably planning. The result? A deeper recession with no prospect of relief whatsoever. People can vote Tory on the basis of "socialists always spend us into bankruptcy" and "every family up and down the land has made cutbacks" - but the state we are in and the cuts we are talking about will equally devastate growth prospects.

Like I say, we're fucked, since we can't go on spending either.

Personally, I think Labour either want to lose, as noted, or are hoping they'll get back in and play a game of chicken: continuing to spend for as long as it takes for bank stocks to rise sufficiently to reprivatise and pay it all off that way. Hence they are quite happy to leave the banks alone (or pretend to wait for a global solution) and the others aren't.

What's to become of nationalised banks seems to be the elephant in the room to me.

Shug Niggurath said...

Why do people continue to say we are fucked?

The more of the same tax n spend government is fucked, not us.

Once the teats of state are pushed back into nurseys bra it is possible that people will be able to see that they've grown up enough to not need quite so much mothers milk in the future and demand that the bribery is scaled.

Martin S said...

CF, that was a truly beautiful post, very well crafted.

John Pickworth said...

"Goodbye, Gordon. With a bit of luck, that's the last we'll ever hear from you."

Now who's deluded?

Unless the earth is hit by a kilometre wide asteroid next week, Brown is going to be stomping about in our lives for a long time yet. Okay he might not be doing it from No10, but Brussels? Washington? Tehran? Someone, somewhere, is going to be daft enough to take him on.