A question of Scots

The Scottish Parliament website is clearly designed to be as accessible as possible, to as many people as possible: its pages have been translated into many languages, so that even those whose only language is Russian can find out about the intriguing goings-on North of the Border. Bet they're all reading this over their blinis down in Yekaterinburg, eh?

And, besides the Russian version, there's also this version, which makes its readers welcome. Or rather "walcome" :

"Walcome tae the Scottish Pairlament wabsite"

What the fuck is this? What it appears to be, is a web page written in 'Scots'. Eh? No, it's not a pisstake - it's real.

"The Scottish Pairlament is here for tae represent aw Scotlan’s folk.
We want tae mak siccar that as mony folk as possible can finn oot aboot the Scottish Pairlament. 
This pairt o the wabsite hauds information anent the Scottish Pairlament that we hae producit in Scots"

So come on, readers from Scottishland, let us know. Is this useful to you? Is it easier to read than the 'normal' English version? Is this how you write to each other? Are Scottish newspapers written in 'Scots'?

Or is this just some demented fuckwittery, dreamt up by people with not enough to do and too much of our money to spend?



Alan said...

Demented fuckwittery I'm afraid.

Still, you're paying.

Slàinte mhòr

Jill said...

I like languages, so I'm happy they've nicked your tax dosh to pay for supporting one. Ner. Bet YOU'VE never heard of the apologetic apostrophe. I'm sure you could make a vicious pun out of it if you tried hard enough.

... on the other hand, I agree we can't afford it. Bummer.

Antisthenes said...

Be less scathing, although it is not a true language in is own right but there are plenty of Scots who talk like that. Granted they are the less well off and less educated but it will appeal to them and we live in a democracy so even demented dimwits are allowed to vote

Will said...

Think that's bad, Scots even has its own Wikipedia.

Though crucially they can do what they like, I'm not paying for it.

JuliaM said...

Perhaps it's a not-very-funny April Fool's joke that someone unaccountably left up on the site..?

Jill said...

They argue about its language status, but I'd call it a variety of English. It's completely arguable to call it a separate language though - similar like Spanish/Portuguese or Danish/Norwegian. But it is properly regional and properly historical/traditional. Gaelic for the Highlands, Scots for the Lowlands.

Anonymous said...

Yes you're right- this is a complete waste of money and recources - hate to think of the number of people ungainfully employed in producing this crap - my 80 year old mother speaks like this but even she can't make sense of it.

But it's not just us Scots who are blowing the budgets- take a look at the Northern Ireland Census in 'Ulster Scots' - its hilarious


"27. Descrieve quhit ye done or dae in tha feck o yer wark"


subrosa said...

Oh dearie me. Interesting comments.

Antisthenes, you'd best not visit any university language departments up here and say Scots isn't a language or it's directed at the ill-educated or poor, because that's rubbish.

I can read, write and speak Scots as easily as I do English. No negative comments please!

Costello said...

"But it is properly regional and properly historical/traditional. Gaelic for the Highlands, Scots for the Lowlands."

There's many who would like to pretend that's the case but the reality is that Gaelic was also spoken throughout the Lowlands before being displaced by the varieties of Northern English which some now refer to as 'Scots'.

Chuckles said...

Looks like the chattering classes idea of 'Received pronunciation for the porridge-wogs' or similar.
Jono Woss/Russell Brand slow motion car crash sort of approach.

The Young Oligarch said...

Scots is a language with literature going back to the days when everything in England was written in French or Latin .

What is it going to cost the Scottish Parliament to put its website into Scots ? - washers . About as much as keeping a couple of useless junkies on methadone .

I know what use of the cash I favour .

PS . Do you personally pay for everything in Scotland , CF ? If so , thanks for getting me a tax free wage in the next financial year (and for the duty free pint I'm just going out for).

Outstandingly generous , old chap !

Anonymous said...

What a load of crap!

Why not reproduce government information in Black Country dialect, Cockney or Cumbrian?

What a bloody joke.

I'm trying to get my three year old to pronounce 'th' as opposed to 'f' at the moment. At this rate I may as well not bother, grunting and nodding will doubtless be sufficient at this rate.

The Young Oligarch said...

Costello -

"the reality is that Gaelic was also spoken throughout the Lowlands before being displaced by the varieties of Northern English which some now refer to as 'Scots'."

Simply not true for most of the Lowlands . The area I live in moved from speaking British to Inglis (Scots) without an intervening Gaelic (Irish) period . Pictish was briefly replaced by Gaelic in other areas , such as the North East .

Gaelic is as much an incoming language as any , and is in no way indigenous .

Alan said...

The point is - what bloody use is it?

Aye, thur's thaim o' us 'at speir 'at wye in the street, bit thur's nae wye ony o' us wid cairry oan like 'at in a formal settin' so we widnae.

The Pairlament's a formal settin' an shite like 'at jist taks the piss so it dis.

Noo dinnae get me sterted oan yon Gaelic pish. Shahoorsir, 'at's a total waste.

Captain Haddock said...

"What a parcel of rogues in a nation" ...

Jill said...

OT: CF - /www.informationisbeautiful.net, love the left/right visualisation on this site. Great as it is, it's not as good as the quadrants.

Anonymous said...

Bring back Gaelic in all the schools, it will help to keep the buggers under.Hows about a dedicated TV news in Pictish and
caber tossing commentary in
Neanderthal. Och aye lets all go
back to clans,blue faces and bare arses.


Captain Haddock said...

Good one Killemall ..

But I'd always believed that "Scunts" were from Scunthorpe ..

RantinRab said...

It's a fucking embarrassment, that's what it is.

Recognised dialect or not, it's bollocks.

As is GayLick. Why the fuck we have GayLick telly and radio up here for the five people that speak it is beyond me. It costs a bloody fortune.

Floppy said...


I think you're getting mixed up between languages and accents. It's not a difficult concept.

Leg-iron said...

I wonder if they'll do a Doric version.

Fit like, loon? Fae's yer wee quine the noo? Awa? Yon's a canny wee lass ye'd hae a guid time wi' file ye're quinie's awa.

Or maybe Plaid Cymru will take up the challenge.

Stick them plates in the bosh and wash 'em after. We're going out now in a minute for a couple of bevvys and see if we can poch around with a tart or two. Don't be so bloody twp man, we won't tell your woman if you get in.

It might make the political websites more interesting. The Tories could do one in Etonian and one in Cockney. One in Devonian would be fantastic.

Money well spent if it's on comedy like this. I mean, there's so much government spending that makes us want to cry we can hardly complain if they do something funny for a change.

Ya voting SNP? Nae? Ya wee bawbag. Ye're gettin' it, pal.

I would, at least, find it funny. they've wasted so much that a few grand on a laugh seems worthwhile.