Thanks for the advice, Gordon

Soon-to-be-former-Prime Minister Gordon Brown has some advice for us all. As with all of his 'advice', it's really just a reminder of how wonderful he is, what great job he's done and how utterly terrible the eevil Tories would be.

And, so that as many people as possible can understand him, he - well, one of his army of spin doctors - has cleverly phrased it in the form of an anology. Oh yes.

Drawing a parallel between the battered economy and the injured millionaire ball-kicker Wayne Rooney, the PM said:

"..after an injury you need support to recover, you need support to get back to match fitness, you need support to get back your full strength and then go on to lift the World Cup.

"So with the economy - we're not back to full fitness, we need to maintain support,"

"If we try and jump off the treatment table as if nothing had happened we'll do more damage to the economy - and frankly that means we risk a double-dip recession.

"I think that's a risk we can't afford to take"

Oooooh. See what he did there? Well, thanks for patronising advice, Gordo'.

But hang on a fucking minute. McBroon is the man responsible for the 'injury' to our economy. He committed the tackle that's made us limp and wince for the last two years, and probably be unable to play for another five.

So, Gordon, let CF extend and enhance your little analogy.

Imagine that in a football match, the captain of the other team, a big Scottish, one-eyed thug, kicked you as hard as he could, right in the balls.

Then, as you crumpled to the ground gasping, kneed you in the face, breaking your nose.

Then deliberately stamped on your head, raking his studs across your face.

Then, before the referee got there, whipped open his shorts and pissed all over your recumbent form.

Would you then like him to follow you to the hospital, offering the doctors advice on your treatment, and helping out with the stitching of your wounds?

Probably not, eh?



AntiCitizenOne said...

The economic problems are simply that too much credit has been regulated into existence in the economy. Gordo's "fix" is to borrow even more...

Following Gordos advice is like suggesting Rooney also plays Professional Rugby.

Red Bellend. said...

This man is wonderful he should be managing our team in the world cup as well as doing a cracking job as PM.

Captain Haddock said...

In his own deluded mind .. McSnot is "managing " the country in an exemplary fashion ..

In my honest opinion .. He couldn't sort twins into pairs ..

Joe Public said...

The football analogy I prefer is that managers who fail get the sack in less than 12 months.

Anonymous said...

Yeah it waz "Chopper Brown" wot done it ref !

Anonymous said...

Meanwhile on the touchline Mandelson is on hand with the "Magic Sponge" oo err

Martin S said...

Your analogy is first class! Unlike Brown.

thespecialone said...

Gordon will save us from economic ruin caused by Thatcher. The BBC has said so!