Buy you a drink, soldier?

Shocking, yes shocking, news just in. According to research carried out by the Department of the Bleeding Obvious at the University of NoShitSherlock, soldiers who have served on the front line, who have seen action, are more likely to 'abuse alcohol' than those who have not.

The research, funded by the MoD - in other words, us - originally set out to discover whether the stress of combat is traumatising soldiers, sending them m-m-m-mad.

But no, it isn't - our troops are tougher than that. So the researchers had to find some other problem, some other hook for the next round of funding. So they turned to drink. Apparently, there has been..

".. an impact of nearly a decade of combat operations, and this was most notable with the misuse of alcohol .. Overall 13% of those surveyed reported regularly drinking alcohol to excess, with those regulars who had been deployed more than 20% more likely to have problems"

Well, who'd have fucking well thought? Isn't this astonishing news?

Could it be that driving through a war zone, in a jeep made of used KitKat wrappers and Lego, is slightly more stressful than putting together a well-funded research paper with a foregone conclusion?

Is it possible that being on the front line, seeing your friends and colleagues injured, even killed, is a bit tougher then being a reporter, writing yet another space-filler about the demon alcohol to a deadline?

Might it be that if your workplace is filled with bearded lunatics who want you dead, rather than fat Dave, spotty Kev and Noreen from accounts, you'll could be expected to be little tense, in need of a relaxing outlet?

For fuck's sake.

And what's the definition of 'to excess' anyway? How do you 'abuse' alcohol? Given the way in which the Righteous have demonised and denormalised the eevil alcohol, the allowable amount has been pushed so low that we all fucking well drink to excess, stressed or no. As soon as you raise your second pint to your lips, you've broken through the barriers.

Soldier, if you've fought for this country, if you've risked your life on our behalf, then you fucking well deserve a drink.

In fact, the next one's on us. What'll you have?

++UPDATE++ Commenter JLEE points out that, in the good ol' US of A, you can actually buy a returning soldier a beer, on the website What a difference, eh? The Americans buy their guys a beer, we bleat about our soldiers 'abusing alcohol'.


Kempy said...

"...slightly more stressful than putting together a well-funded research paper with a foregone conclusion"

LOL! Brilliant!

PT Barnum said...

13%? Is that all? What is wrong with these "researchers"? Even if squaddies are drinking way too much, attacking that end of the equation is like using air freshner in a room while leaving the stinking corpse lying in the corner.

banned said...

Yup, once they lowered the threshold of 'abusing' to a small gin and half a shandy almost everyone becomes a 'victim'.

Some while back "they" were screaming on about "one third of teenagers regularly using alcohol SHOCK figures reveal" without bothering to mention the bleedin obvious that for teenagers aged eighTEEN and nineTEEN sucjh activity was both legal and normal.

As you say, it's all about creating problems to ensure further funding, just like climate change and ash clouds and swine flu....

Furor Teutonicus said...

IF that is correct, why the fuck didn't the whole of Europe sink into one fucking alcoholic drink vapoured swamp of "out of my fucking face 23 hours per day, and a hangover for the remainder"? after WWI and WWII?

subrosa said...

PTSD doesn't show up as soon as a soldier gets off the plane from a battle zone. It can take years to manifest itself. Because of that the symptoms are often ignored and that's where the problems start because it's not treated quickly enough.

Even the toughest man can suffer from PTSD. None of us know what would trigger this illness. If we did we'd avoid it like the plague.

Jonners said...

Yeah yeah all very funny CF. Its not so funny when you live by a pub where squaddies drink and you have to put up with them fighting and puking every Saturday

Mummylonglegs said...

Wow Jonners, that must be terribly traumatic for you. How do you cope with that kind of worry and stress. Perhaps a holiday would make you feel a little better. I can think of a couple of places that you may benefit from visiting.

Mummy x

Furor Teutonicus said...

Jonners said...

Yeah yeah all very funny CF. Its not so funny when you live by a pub where squaddies drink and you have to put up with them fighting and puking every Saturday

Oh deary fucking ME! Soldiers acting like... you know....NORMAL people, whatever the fuck NEXT, I ask myself?

One of these troop hating IRA/Raghead loving, crochet knicker wearing, poetry reading, fucking tie dyed tit holder wearing, be-sandled,incence burning, Police hating, gun banning, lentil eating, memeber of the P.T.A, Whale saving, C.N.D type, commy bastards are you Jonners?

Anonymous said...

Hmm. Next one will be why the percentage ex-forces that are homeless is so large? Is there a link to alcoholism?

Cold Steel Rain said...

I'll have a Pint of Carling please CF - and a bag of peanuts.

Oh and Jonners... Do one you whining civvy cunt.

JohnRS said...

Maybe these researchers ought to do a workplace survey to ensure their findings are accurate.

Six months in Helmand would be about right.

BTS said...

Way to go there, Jonners. Waaay to go..

Captain Haddock said...

Jonners ..

Get a life you sad bastard ..

You're not fit to lick up the "Dockyard pizzas" left by those Servicemen & Women who've actually done something for their country ..

If you can't "Get Behind" our Armed Forces .. then I suggest you get in front of them ..

JLEE said...

You can really buy a beer for a soldier (although only an American soldier) at

Why haven't we got a similar website for Great Britain?

Want to build one, CF?

JLEE said...

Fuck. The link got messed up. Try this link.

Anonymous said...

Oh dear jonners,its such a shame that those rufty tufty soldiers upset you of an evening-good job you never lived through the blitz you pathetic,snivelling,spineless runt.God biess every one of our armed sevices,im proud of you.

David said...

Hmm, not sure what the abuse for Jonners is about. Regardless of what they've "done for their country", that doesn't give anyone the right to get cunted on booze and then start acting like a cunt. Go to Chelmsford or Aldershot and tell me it's not a problem.

As for the research paper, it's either "bleeding obvious" that soldiers are more likely to misuse alcohol or it is "bollocks" that they do it. Which is it, CF?

The only thing I'd add is that I don't think you should be scoffing about PTSD and the effects of serving in a warzone. There were a lot of fucked-up young men after the first Gulf War and the same problems seem to be coming through again now. And the MoD let them all down very very badly.

@Furor Teutonicus: It did.

Jill said...

Even my ex-forces husband says he'd not dream of living anywhere near an army base, so I don't think Jonners deserves quite this much shit either! Mr Jill's service was extended by some weeks - because of the time he spent in the glasshouse for being pissed, not for anything he did wrong as a soldier.

Take the piss out of this study - it's almost certainly deserved, but, as David says, alcoholism (not drinking more the stupid nanny state guidelines) is one of many manifestations of PTSD and the neglect of ex-servicemen for all of them is something of which we - as a nation, and I include you in this, CF - should be deeply ashamed.

There are many pointless studies to rip the shit out of, and I don't think this was the best example to pick.

Invictus_88 said...

Alcoholism should be tackled, of course, but this study ignores that and makes that more difficult by using the fairly arbitrary and culturally relative line of 'alcohol abuse'.
Unless the focus is put back onto alcoholism, it will be difficult to move forward.

Jill said...

Invictus: I agree. Have you seen the TV ad/infomercial/propaganda aimed at housewives about drinking? With the white wine? It renders me almost hysterical with impotent rage.

All's I'm saying here is that this article gets all these issues confused, and if CF wanted to highlight the endless reams of nannying, civil liberty-infringing, scaremongering, ill-informed and misleading crud that emanates from quangos, then he could have picked many better, clearer examples that didn't confuse other issues and make him look a bit cuntly.

(Sorry CF!)

Furor Teutonicus said...

"Alcoholism" is in the eye of the beholder.

I had an Auntie of 80+ who was described as an "alcoholic" by her doctor, because she had drunk three glasses of Port with her christmas dinner, and it had effected her balance.

Besides that never drank a drop from one year to the next.

BUT, once on the record, have you ever tried to have it taken off again?

The family did, for my Auntie, with no success WHATSOEVER.

Every time she went to a doctor from then on, from Atheletes foot, to a bad heart/Angina, the first words were, "Oh, I see you are an alcoholic, here take a tablet, and stop drinkling".

Furor Teutonicus said...

AND, To all those supporting Jonners, I ask again, are they any worse than any OTHER gang on a weekend night out in Britain, whether they be Soldiers, Doctors, or bloody combat flower arrangers?

I have done both civvy and Military police.

There IS no difference.

BTS said...

Jill, I thought that one of the main points raised was that this article does get all these issues confused, and does so unfairly.

Perhaps that's just the way that it came across to me.

Jill said...

Furor: they're not worse, what with them being human beings an' all - but in base towns, they're more concentrated so it's a bigger effect. You could also argue more organised also. Frankly, I'm busier being worried about much bigger things than drunken men rolling around the streets, but I can see why they piss people off, soldiers in mufti or otherwise.

Ginge said...

I'm a squaddie and I definitely wouldn't want to live by squaddies, they're a bunch of cunts :)

So Jonner, the answer is simple, move house you whining civvy twat.

The same people are now conducting a survey that confirms that shit stinks and the Pope is indeed a catholic.

Anonymous said...

"IF that is correct, why the fuck didn't the whole of Europe sink into one fucking alcoholic drink vapoured swamp of "out of my fucking face 23 hours per day, and a hangover for the remainder"? after WWI and WWII?"

Because most of them died.

Anonymous said...

Pretty sure more than 20% of the people in my office get sozzled at least once or twice a week, and we hardly ever get shot at.

Antisthenes said...

Since time immemorial soldiers have been heavy drinkers. Having served for a while myself many years ago at a time that the British army was not involved in any particular nasty conflicts we all drank to excess.

As usual empirical evidence that is correct but leading to the wrong conclusion.

Captain Haddock said...

I would agree with Ginge here ..

If Jonners lives in a Garrison Town, surely he must have known that Soldiers go out whenever they're not either deployed or on Duty & do what most young men and women in this country do .. get pissed.

Its a bit like those people who buy a house near a Football Ground or Railway Station & then complain about parking problems ..

Why, in any case are Service personnel being singled out as Alcohol "Abusers" when Towns & Cities all over the UK are giving drunken people free bottles of mineral water and free "flip-flops" for those females so drunk and stupid as to take their own footwear off, wandering barefoot in the street ? .. All at the Council Tax payers expense ..

Wingding said...

My advice to Jonners is to go down to his local and tell them to be quiet. But make sure you tell them you've had a hectic day at your keyboard with loads of 'stress'. Don't worry, they'll sort you out.
And Jill, you say you've got loads of other things to worry about. May I suggest you fck off and worry about them somewhere else so I don't have to read your inane drivel anymore.

Anonymous said...

Take the names & put them on the list. The Country needs to save money, and useless whinging hangers on like these should be early on the list for redundancy.

Time's up fuckers. We need our soldiers far more than we need you. Go and get a real job if you can.

selsey.steve said...

When he was in his 70s my late Dad told me of the celebration which ensued when he and his five brothers, who'd all been in combat and knew nothing about each other for the whole of WWII, were reunited in Nottingham. They all spent the first day reassuring their Mother that they were all OK, then the next week or so disappeared from their collective memories. There was a visit from a Police sergeant about a civilian getting thumped by a bunch of servicemen, but when the sergeant found out that all six brothers had made it back home simply said "I'll sort it."
Sorted it was.
People, get used to the fact that men who have been shot at and who have expected to die do, sometimes, let their hair down.

selsey.steve said...

Oh ... and there was no PTSD after WWll.
It's a 'new' condition.

Jonners said...

Oh dear I've stirred things up here a bit havent I?

All the silly squaddies think I should shut the fuck up and learn to live with their mates pissing on my wall and leaving their chip wrappers on my pavement

A few people with a bit more sense think I'm right

Funny old world isn't it?

Captain Haddock said...

selsey.steve ..

PTSD is merely the modern name for what used to be called "Shell Shock" .. which was certainly around & a recognised condition in both World Wars ..

Captain Haddock said...

Jonners ..

Kipling certainly had it right when he wrote ..

"It's Tommy this and Tommy that
and chuck him out, the brute
But its 'ero of his country
When the guns begin to shoot" ..

I'm assuming that all the unemployed & unemployable, bling-bedecked, dole-scrounging chavs in your Town are perfect Angels .. and wouldn't dream of getting intoxicated .. much less of then urinating on someone else's property .. or horror of horrors .. littering ???

If that's the case, please tell us where you live .. and we'll all move there ..

Furor Teutonicus said...

13 May 2010 17:27
Anonymous said...

"IF that is correct, why the fuck didn't the whole of Europe sink into one fucking alcoholic drink vapoured swamp of "out of my fucking face 23 hours per day, and a hangover for the remainder"? after WWI and WWII?"

Because most of them died.

Bollox. Britain lost less than 500,000 for EVERY theater and including ALL Empire troops.

The U.S, lost about 350,000.

Hardly "all" of them now, is it?

BTS said...

Apparently, Jonners now owns the pavement..

BTS said...

Or maybe he just sleeps on the street.

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