Get on with it, Nick

Right, Mr Clegg. You've had your talks; talks with CallMeDave, talks with your backbenchers, talks with ol' man Cable, with Paddy Pantsdown, and doubtless with the luscious Miriam.

And your party colleagues have been holed up with top Tories in non-smoke-filled rooms for the last 72 hours, popping out only to declare endless declarations of mutual love to the press.

You've also, by your part in these endless discussions, ensuring that we still have no PM, no government and no idea what the fuck is going on, inadvertently shown us what a post-PR world will look like. Are we really going to join Italy, Belgium and all those other poor sods in having this behind-closed-doors squabbling every 4 or 5 years?

But now it's time to make your mind up.

Whatever it is that the Tories have put on the table, whether it's PR, AV or fondue set and a fully catered funeral in Trinidad, is what you're going to have to accept. You're not going to get all the things your party wants, and nor should you: you came third in the race, for fuck's sake, in both seats and popular votes.

So you should accept whatever the party that got nearly twice the popular vote yours did - and holds 5 times as many seats - offers and be glad of it.

After all, Cleggy, it's not like you've got any other choices, is it?

What are you gonna do if Dave won't give you all the presents on your list? Try to form the world's smallest minority government with your 57 seats? Don't think so.

Head back into opposition, back to your seat twenty places down from the 'real' leader of the 'real 'opposition, with everyone talking over your little bonus questions in PMQ's? Nah.

Go into a coalition with Labour? Yeah, right. Make yourself the second most unpopular man in political history by propping up the most unpopular man in political history? That would be ... what's the word? ... bold. Don't expect us to take any notice of your muffled screams as Brown , Balls and Mandy give you and your party the most comprehensive fucking over you've ever had.

Then, as you lie bleeding in the gutter, watch them turn upon each other and tear themselves, their party and the new coalition to pieces. And don't expect to regain 57 seats in the inevitable General Election - probably in July - you'll be lucky to get 7 as part of a LibLab coalition.

No, unfortunately for you, you've only got one option - go along with those terrible Tories. And, as the Tory boys slowly begin to realise that over the coming hours, you're going to find there are fewer and fewer goodies on the table.

Your only chance to get any representation, to get any of your policies enacted, to have any say at all, to have any ability to limit what the Tories do, is to climb into bed with them, lie back and think of the United Kingdom.

Get on with it, for fucks sake.



Jill said...

You're just being childish now. And you're showing how tired our adversarial, posturing political system is. I quite like the idea of AV, or the hybrid of it that the Lib Dems are proposing, but not enough to get excited - unless I keep reading silly drivel like this.

The Lib Dems AREN'T favouring pure PR. The system they propose could very well improve the chances of a majority parliament. For example, those 20 Lab Con marginals that would have been won by the Tories were it not for 1,000 or so UKIP votes. Would they have gone Labour? I think not.

If the markets could bring the country down because complex and very important political negotiations took more than 48 hours, then something is very wrong with the world.

Just get the ants out of your pants. You're not five years old waiting for Christmas - or the next thing to have hysterics about.

Jill said...

And PS: the Tory position on electoral reform is far more untenable. The Lib Dems propose a referendum. Not, you'll notice, legislation. The Tories are against a referendum. Even against putting it to Parliament to vote for a referendum. Democratic? I think not.

Catosays said...

I don't think CF is being childish in any way, shape or form. PR is the greatest recipe for political disaster ever invented.

Let's have PR for the Lottery winners in case we don't like the winner. Let's have PR for horrse-racing in case we're not sure.

What absolute bollocks!

UKIP voter said...

PR is our only chance of getting out of the EU and giving Scotland full independence as it would fill parliament with the BNP, UKIP and SNP MPs'.
So go for it Nick. Dump Cast iron and go with Millipede if you don't get a referendum on PR. You've waited 90 years for this chance so don't blow it.

banned said...

I thought Clegg was supposed to be 'principled', what the fuck is 'principled' about his main demand from dippy Dave being PR solely for the purpose of increasing his own partys representation?

But yes Nick, get on with it, time to call a halt to the craziness.

Antisthenes said...

Nick go with Labour for your PR that they so enticingly promise you. You wont get it Labour never keep a promise and the country can be rid of you and the Labour party at the next election in few months time after you have both made the economic situation a great deal worse.

Insist on PR Nick bugger that the country wants strong stable government to tackle the multitude of problems that left wing politics have given the country. No party first, country a poor second.

Anonymous said...

Hello CF, Just thought I'd drop by. I agree, please do get on with it Nick. I cant see past getting Gordon out at the moment.

As for a PR system - according to the BNP they fought 339 seats and polled 563,743 votes.

Under a PR system based on all votes across all parties for 2010, the BNP would get 60 seats.

I bet the shameless Labour loons would also be happy to build a coalition with the BNP? Anything for power eh?

P.S. Clegg is a slimy git.

Anonymous said...

"Under a PR system based on all votes across all parties for 2010, the BNP would get 60 seats. "

No, they got 2% of the popular vote, so under a pure PR system they'd have 13 seats - assuming we retained a HoC of 650 MPs, which we wouldn't.