It's Game On, Dave

Much rejoicing across the nation as CallMeDave and the lil' Dutch boy finally stich up an alliance, and Gollum Brown finlly topples into the fires of humiliation. Now the Alliance can undo all the damage done by the Horde.

But let's not get overexcited.

Basically, the emergency services have finally arrived at the scene of the horrendous car crash that was the 13 year NuLabour experiment, and are making stern faces, putting on their helmets and setting up the rescue equipment.

We're all glad, pathetically glad, to see them, but we're still pinned in the wreckage, with petrol dripping into our hair, and we can't feel one of our legs.

The mess Cameron has been left to clear up is a lot bigger than abso-fucking-lutely enormous; it's probably even bigger than he and his colleagues realise, given how secretive the last Labour Government (mmmm, say it again, 'the last Labour Government') were.

Budgets were twisted, obfuscated and selectively quoted, departmental spending figures were deliberately witheld, all for political advantage. These figures now 'belong' to Cameron (and his mate, Gideon) and they can see the damage in black and white.

Open the shutters, CallMeDave, and let the the sunlight flood .. ugh .. what the fuck is that? Ewwwww... There are going to some horrible things at the back of cupboards and under the rugs, Dave. Things that look and smell foul. Things even Broon had forgotten he'd hidden.

So, as Labour activist @bevaniteellie (remember her?) used to say, it's #GameOn. The game isn't a 'gosh isn't bashing the party opposite fun' anymore though. Nor is it the game of hide-the-facts 'n' seek re-election.

No, the 'game' is that little game that cynical parents use on their wayward kiddies: ''Bet you can't finish all those sprouts while I'm not looking', 'Bet you can't tidy your room before I come back'.

So Dave: we bet you can't fix the economy before we come back.

Get to it..



Bucko said...

You certainly have a gift for metaphor.
I am the only Conservative voter in a small office of Labour voters so I am being given the naughty corner treatment today. I dont care though, Im effing chuffed that we have finally gotten rid of the hideous Labour bastards. Tough times ahead, obviously, but lets hope things start to improve.
My plan B (emigrating to Greece) has already gone tits up and I dont have a plan C.

Grumpy Optimist said...

The smell of putrid flesh has receded and we should give thanks. Both LD and CON have nowhere else to go and that will keep them both honest.

And they will be following a policy principle which we have forgotten - namely putting the country before party. Labour of course will never get that. So they can fuck off.

Allison said...

Delicious stuff CF. The keening beeboids made me chuckle this morning too.

Catosays said...

Just been listening to that twat Nicky Campbell on 5 Live and wishing I hadn't.

Already, he's wishing doom on the coalition. Bastard!

Anonymous said...

Now the Alliance can undo all the damage done by the Horde.

I don't think much of the "epic loots" dropped by The Lich Brown. These steaming turds are bind on pickup.

Chuckles said...

Dutch boy? Finger in dykes? That's Lembits area of expertise isn't it?

Angry Exile said...

Dave and Cleggy's best bet is to call the IMF tomorrow, tell them they want an honest and independent opinion of how much shit the country's in and what measures they should take to fix it, and do so as publicly as possible so the pain is associated with the people who fucking caused it. Memories are short and if they try to put it off too long they'll be blamed for it rather than Broon and co, and then the UK might well go collectively insane and vote for another decade of savage and lubeless deep arse fucking by another Labour government.

Anonymous said...

"Nggghhh... Too soon... You have awakened me too soon, Harman. What is the meaning of this intrusion?"

"These pesky Tories, my lord! They have invaded Labour seats and seek to steal your votes!"

"FOOL! You allowed these insects to run rampant through the hallowed polls and now you lead them to DOWNING STREET? You have failed me, Harman! Justice shall be met indeed!"

*Majordomo Harman is pounded into a pulp by the Great Clunking Fist*

"And as for YOU, Tories... boldly you have sought the office of Prime Minister, and now you shall see it first hand! BY INFIGHTING BE RUINED!"

Anonymous said...

Happy days, Labour gone, hopefully for decades.

No. 1 priority, give the fat, lazy scots independence so they can wallow in their own lard and grease and never bother the English for handouts again.

mungle said...

The mess they find should be made public sooner rather than later. Nothing held back otherwise they will be blamed for it.

Lord T said...

I gave up a long time ago about making political predictions on blogs because it got too frustrating but, as usual, I can’t take my own advice so here goes my views on the new government of the UK and why I think it is a mistake. Sorry. I’ll keep it simple though so that rabid party followers can understand.

I think the Tories have made a big mistake going into a coalition with the Lib/Dims.

At the election last week two things happened.

1) Despite Labour being the worst government since time began, they did really well.
2) Despite being in opposition to these incompetents Cameron’s Tories did not take an overwhelming majority. As predicted in the polls showing Cameron with no real lead for years.

Several statements out of this were:

1) Gordo himself lost Labour some (40 has been bandied about) seats.
2) The UKIP lost the Tories about the same by splitting the vote.
3) The people are fearful about losing their place at the teat of social security.
4) Nobody wanted Gordo
5) Nobody wanted Cameron

Since then:

1) In his desperation to remain in power Gordo was prepared to use parliamentary protocol to set up a Lab/Lib pact and it was only down to others in Labour that it was stopped. Gordo would have sold all our souls to remain PM.

This has lead to Gordo resigning and a leadership contest will be held soon. So finally, Gordo is gone. No one will mourn his going.

2) In his desperation to take power Cameron has entered a pact with a party that has more in common with Labour than themselves. This will mean compromises and concessions that will mean that Cameron is not really in control. Thus this superior intellect we hear so much about but have never seen will not be in the driving seat. He will have someone else jerking the wheel at critical moments and fighting when a clear course is required.

So, what is going to happen in my view is:

1) Coalition in UK politics never last any significant time. This one is unlikely to break that trend.

2) Labour will have a shiny brand new leader who will talk about moving away from New and Old Labour on to a shiny new Labour future where the rich people will fund milk and honey for all and the teats shall be gold plated. They will preach this for months. Unless they start infighting but I don’t see it this time.

3) This will suck back the dozy party faithful who simply failed to vote and the party faithful who protested with the BNP and the Lib Dims but would never vote Tory.

4) The cuts and changes, which are unavoidable, will be blamed squarely on the Tories. How dare they! Labour will highlight every cut and issue made and point out what is to come.

5) The UK’s situation will be brought forcibly home by reality and as other suffer we will be forced to help them despite our own situation making it worse for us.

6) Cameron will remain at the helm during the coalition and there will be no leadership challenge because, according to all in power, to do so now would threaten stability and put in an unelected leader.

7) The issue that turned people to UKIP will still remain. Cameron and Clegg are both for the EU in principle with slightly, but only slightly, differing viewpoints. No referendum will take place and they will argue that no powers have been lost.

Cameron will be unable to win back the true Tories because his time in office will be tempered with Cleggs Socialist views. That is assuming that he would veer away from his own socialist views anyway which some have implied.


At the next election, which will be held in a year at most, Labour will have gained significant votes. Tories will remain unchanged and thus Cameron and the Tories will be hammered at the polls and Labour will get in again.

Unbelievable but you can see why I think so.

Missus T said...

Did you predict the ConLib coalition Lord T?

Anonymous said...

Liebore back in their natural environment-opposition.Now for their self destruction and please Lord damn them to obscurity.